Is God Paying You a Compliment?

I’m not a gardener. So many things can go wrong that when a plant is struggling, and I have no idea what the problem is. Is it getting too much sun? Not enough? Does it need fertilizer? Is the ground too sandy? Is there too much clay? Did I overwater it? Underwater it? Are there bugs?

A couple of years ago, we had some shrubs in front of the house that were on death watch, and given the complexities of plant science, we decided to just start over. The challenge was finding a single shrub variety that could thrive in conditions ranging from full sunlight to full shade. Very few are that adaptable, but we finally settled on a specific type of hawthorn that prefers sunlight but does reasonably well in shade.

Although all twelve plants were healthy, when it came to planting them, I made sure to put the very best and strongest specimens in the least favorable (that is, most shady) conditions. 

As I was planting them, it occurred to me that my placement decisions might parallel the life circumstances God allows in different people’s lives. Some seem to have it made. Everything consistently falls into place:  good health, great jobs, smooth family lives, few financial problems, etc.  Others experience just the opposite.

Chris, a friend I’ve been meeting with monthly for several years, seems to be a problem magnet. His family of origin was a total nightmare. His wife of two decades suddenly left him for another man, triggering a very expensive years-long custody fight. He experienced other issues with his adult children. And just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, he had a serious car accident that has left him with significant medical issues that threaten his ability to work.

I can only speculate about why God has allowed this tough, tough series of circumstances.  But my experience with planting the hawthorns makes me wonder if perhaps God is paying Chris a very high compliment. Just as I made sure to place the very strongest plants in the most demanding locations, could it be that God does the same and allows the most severe circumstances for those he knows can handle it the best? Remember Job and how God singled him out because of his righteousness?

This is consistent with the spirit of what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 – God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.  

I’m sure there were many times Chris was tempted to despair, but God has been faithful to sustain him in his faith. And he has not only endured but grown greatly. In fact, he is almost unrecognizable as the same man I started meeting with a few years ago. And it’s because of the adversity God has allowed in his life. Others might have crumbled but Chris hasn’t, and he serves as a powerful testimony to God’s grace.  

So, the next time you encounter a particularly rough spell, perhaps it’s God way of paying you a big compliment by recognizing the inner strength he has built into your life.  

NOTE: This post is an updated version of my post from May 17, 2018.

Why Would I Ever Want to Do Business with You?

“We have a problem. The hotel wants to charge us for 28 more room nights.”

It was the first day of our three-day conference in Chicago, and the meeting’s organizer dropped this bombshell on the group.

Many state hospital associations around the country have subsidiary corporations that offer products and services to their member hospitals in their respective states. Every year, those of us who ran those companies met to share our successes and challenges. And sometimes, one of the states would introduce a program they developed for possible adoption in our own states.

Attendance at these meetings typically ran about 15 – 20 people, but we had invited a top-notch, nationally known speaker for this Chicago meeting, something the group’s leaders thought would double attendance. They were so sure at least 30 people would attend that they guaranteed 60 rooms for our hotel block.

As it turned out, only 16 showed up, so we were 28 rooms short of our room count commitment. Consequently, the hotel asked us to write a check for more than $4,000.

The group had the means to make good on its obligation but obviously would rather not. “How do we handle this?” the organizer asked. As we sat around the table, people began throwing out ideas.  Here are a couple of the more “creative” ones.

• “We could tell them the person who signed the contract wasn’t authorized to do that, so we shouldn’t have to pay.” – This wasn’t true. The organizer herself had personally approved the agreement.

• Or, “Why don’t we tell them that if they write off our obligation, we’ll come back to their hotel for next year’s meeting?” – Also not true. We never repeated cities and there was zero chance we would return.

Several other deceptive ideas were floated.

In the end, we threw ourselves on the mercy of the hotel and got them to cut in half the amount we owed. But I learned an important lesson that day. I saw that some of my colleagues were willing to lie if it was to their advantage.

My lightning-quick mind put two and two together, and I recognized I would have to be on my guard the next time one of them approached me about adopting one of their services. If they have no scruples about lying about the hotel rooms, how would I know they’re not lying to me about some aspect of their programs?

This whole episode was very disappointing, but it remined me about the importance of reputation and integrity. The Old Testament is filled with admonitions about doing the right thing.

• In Psalm 15, among the 12 characteristics of people who “will never be shaken” are those "who keep their oath even when it hurts” (v. 4).

• Proverb 11:1 states, “Dishonest scales are an abomination to the Lord.”

And in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches that we should be so squeaky-clean honest that we would never feel the need to swear an oath. Our word should be sufficient. “’All you need to say is simply “Yes” or “No”; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).

Unfortunately, my professional acquaintances failed to follow these guidelines, and I saw it.

So how are you doing? Have you done anything before your family, friends or co-workers that demonstrates that you might not be 100% trustworthy?  If so, you might want to recalibrate your integrity meter, especially if you consider yourself a Christ-follower.

NOTE:  As many authors do, I sometimes change a few details in my writings for privacy purposes.

When a Big Deal Issue Suddenly Dissolves

During the summers between each of my college years, I worked as a counselor at the Dorothy P. Flint 4-H Camp in rural eastern Long Island. I loved that place, largely because of the great counselors on staff.

The fall after my first 4-H summer, I had the lifechanging experience of realizing that my stereotype of Christianity was all wrong. I thought you became a Christian by cleaning up your act and trying harder to be good. But I learned there’s nothing you can do to meet God’s standard of perfection. That’s pretty discouraging!

But there’s a good-news solution for this problem. Jesus died to take upon himself the penalty I deserve for falling short of God’s standards. That’s what Good Friday is all about! (By the way, I don’t even live up to my own standards.) Becoming a Christian involves acknowledging my sin, asking for the forgiveness Jesus offers, and inviting him to run things from now on. 

Coming into that relationship with him was truly revolutionary, and I wanted all my 4-H friends to experience this too.

As it turns out, about the same time I became a Christian, Jerry, one of the other counselors, had also found a new belief system – the Bahá'í faith. Bahá'ís recognize the validity of nine different great world religions and believe the latest prophet of God was a man named Bahá'u'lláh, a 19th Century Iranian. Since I don’t have the space to discuss the considerable differences between Christianity and the Bahá'í faith, let me just say they are not compatible.

The first I ever heard of the Bahá'í faith was from Jerry, and I was intrigued to learn more, probably for two reasons. As a relatively new Christian, I wanted to make sure I had hitched my wagon to the right star. Plus, I wanted to learn more about Jerry’s new faith so I could help him understand that the Bahá'í faith and Christianity are irreconcilable. So, I did a fair amount of research into this group over the next few years.

But then something happened.

I heard through the grapevine that after a few years, Jerry had rethought his belief system and no longer followed the Bahá'í faith. In an instant, this faith became a total non-issue for me. The only reason I originally cared about it was so I could have more meaningful conversations with my friend, but now none of that mattered.

As I’ve thought about this experience, I realized it offers a tiny, tiny glimpse of what the future holds for Christians. Our would is plagued by the pandemic, death, poverty, war, racism, hatred, and a host of other tragedies. But we know that some day all this will end. Anyone who has trusted Jesus to forgive their sins can anticipate spending eternity with him in heaven. Of course, we can’t fully comprehend what that will be like. But the New Testament describes what it will be like in the new heaven and earth:

He will wipe every tear from [his people’s] eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away (Revelation 21:4).

I don’t want to minimize our current afflictions, but the implication of this truth is that, just like the Bahá'í faith became instantly irrelevant to me, all my problems – physical ailments, relational problems, financial woes, discouragement, the fear of death, and every other concern – will someday only be a distant memory. How awesome is that!

But I should point out that this future only applies to those who have trusted Jesus to forgive their sins. Although Jesus clearly and repeatedly offered incredible truths about God’s love, he also stressed that many are headed for a horrific future. Of Jesus’ 40 parables, 18 (or nearly half) clearly teach that some are destined for eternal separation from God. In fact, he seemed to go out of his way introduce the concept of hell right in the middle of his most uplifting messages. The sharp right turn is almost shocking, and some people try to explain away his teaching about God’s judgment. But keep in mind that it’s a pretty bad idea to reject what Jesus clearly taught.

I truly hope that you will experience the blessings of a tearless, painless future free from death and disease when the “big deals” of this life melt away. And Happy Easter!

One of the Nicest Things My Wife Ever Said to Me

My wife Annette taught middle school science for 19 years. Like many organizations, the schools she worked in were mostly populated by wonderful people but also had a sprinkling of “how-does-this-person-keep-their-job” types. One individual in particular who seemed unusually difficult was one of her assistant principals. He consistently exhibited less common sense than most of the middle school students. Plus, he repeatedly failed to support the teachers, making their jobs much harder.

During one of our home Bible Studies, Annette was describing his latest foolish idea. Misbehaving students are often required to spend several days in the In-School Suspension (ISS) room as punishment. Annette explained that Mr. Brain Trust suggested the school buy a ping pong table for the ISS room so students would have something to do while in detention.

Think about that. An unmotivated student is bored in class, so he decides to act up in order to hone his ping pong skills. Great plan!

As Annette was explaining this idiotic proposal, she said, “Even though he has come up with dumb ideas in the past, this was the absolute stupidest thing he ever suggested. And it made me mad that he was pushing a plan that would make it harder for me to teach effectively. I don’t think I’ve ever been as mad at any adult in my entire life.” And then she added as she looked at me, “Well, . . . except you!”

The Bible Study group erupted into laughter, and I loved it! That’s one of the nicest things she ever said to me. It showed she is secure enough in our marriage that she has the freedom to express anger to me knowing I’m not going anywhere. And it’s reciprocal. I’ve been known to send some angry words in her direction. But early in our marriage, at Annette’s suggestion, we agreed we would never utter the word “divorce,” even in jest.

No relationship is stress-free, and, of course, negative comments should be few and far-between. Furthermore, the Apostle Paul encourages us to deal with conflict quickly and “not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). Marriages or friendships built on mutual love, commitment, trust, and honesty can withstand minor “skirmishes.” Annette and I are both strong-willed and opinionated. And, believe it or not, I have sometimes been known to be stubborn and difficult to live with. But part of the reason we can express our occasional frustration with each other is that we have a baseline, unshakable commitment to never go away.

In the past, I’ve written about some of the difficult individuals in my family of origin. Having people like that in your life creates challenges when it comes to buying greeting cards for “personal” holidays like birthdays, Fathers’ Day or Mothers’ Day. Sending a sentiment like “you’re the glue that holds our family together” or “thank you for always caring” would be disingenuous. And some of the people I’m thinking about have no sense of humor, so the funny cards don’t work. That leaves me with the “enjoy your special day” type cards. Pretty bland.

I was pleased by the dilemma I faced this last Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t decide between two equally “warm” cards. Each expressed a sentiment I genuinely felt toward Annette. So, instead of choosing between the two, I got them both.

Annette recently came up with a great life-saying: 

“Be the kind of person it’s easy to buy a greeting card for.”

She embodies that! Part of what goes into being that type of person is a solid commitment to the important people in your life and a willingness to receive occasional negative feedback. If you live like this saying suggests, I suspect the people who are closest to you are secure enough in your relationship that they’re not afraid to be angry with you when you deserve it.

And for the record, I agreed that the ping pong table idea was idiotic.

What Is Your Passion Really Costing You?

It’s one of the most spectacular things I have ever seen in someone’s house. In fact, the only other time I saw a similar item was on a visit to the New York Historical Society Museum in Manhattan.

As I walked into my brother-in-law Frank’s family room, my eyes were drawn to a thirty-inch-long model of a steam locomotive and coal car. “What in the world is that?” I asked.

“It’s a working model of Baldwin 0-6-0 locomotive my grandfather built in 1935. He machined all the parts himself, and it’s fully functional. He used to have a track in his yard that it would run on. The thing is made of brass and steel, and it weighs about 45 pounds. He made a total of five locomotives over a period of forty years, all of them of different models. This was his first, and it’s actually the simplest of the five.”

“That’s crazy!” I said. “I can’t believe anyone could make one if these, let along five! How did you end up with it?”

“When my grandfather died in 1985, my grandmother gave it to me . . . because she hated it.”

“What!?” I exclaimed. “It’s amazing! How could she hate something so awesome?”

“Well,” he said, “most weekends, my grandfather would drive from his home in Southern Pines, NC to nearby Aberdeen to check and double-check his measurements so he could build exact scaled-down replica. Instead of being a real dad to his kids, he spent hours and hours and hours working on those locomotives Because of her husband’s neglect, my grandmother wanted nothing to do with any of them after he died, so I got this one.”

What a story! As an uniformed outsider, I was incredibly impressed by the locomotive’s beauty, craftsmanship and precision. I could no more produce something like that than I could run a 100-mile ultramarathon. Little did I know the dark side of Frank’s grandfather’s achievement.

We hear a lot these days about “following your passions,” and the word “passionate” shows up on many resumes. I’m in no way suggesting that you should not be fully committed to what you do. God intends you to live life to the max, and that includes thrusting yourself headlong into his calling on your life.

High achievers are driven to excellence, and that’s wonderful, as long as their activities don’t suck up the rest of their lives. In the world of entrepreneurship and startups, founders must dedicate countless hours trying to prevent their dream from ending up in an ash heap. There may be seasons that require intense focus, but if those periods merge into each other and last year after year, you just may live to regret it.

In the case of Frank’s grandfather, his “passion” lasted four decades, and, in his wife’s eyes, it cost him much more than the steel and brass used to fabricate his masterpieces.

I’m reminded of Jesus’ words in Luke 9:25:  “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” Although the immediate context refer to Jesus’ requirement to follow him completely, I think one aspect of doing that is by living a balanced life that honors Jesus and appropriately prioritizes your responsibilities, not allowing your pet interests to overshadow what really matters.

What do you think?

Why It’s a Bad Idea to Second-Guess Your Decisions Demystifying Decision-Making – Part 2

Last time, I recommended a decision-making process that involves:

• Committing the decision to God through prayer

• Looking to Scripture to make sure the particular choice conforms to God’s ethical and moral standards

• Thoroughly investigating each alternative

• Seeking insights from wise, credible, and trusted friends and colleagues

• Determining if circumstances may be pointing in a certain direction

Then I made the somewhat controversial assertion that, if you have followed this process and are truly willing to follow God’s will as you understand it, then you can move forward confidently knowing you are doing what God wants even if subsequent circumstances prove catastrophic.

(You can scroll down to my previous post for more insights into these points.)

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus makes what’s called a “lesser to greater” argument. He reminds us that no father would give his son a snake if he asked for a fish or a scorpion if he asked for an egg.  “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:31).

Can you imagine this situation? A child earnestly asks their parent for wisdom about an important decision and commits to do whatever the parent recommends, but the parent either fails to answer or intentionally misleads the child. That would never happen. So, why would you think your loving heavenly Father would do that?

Last time, I promised to offer five reasons why second-guessing decisions made according to this approach – even if things subsequently go terribly wrong – is a bad idea. Here they are:

1. Second-guessing dishonors God – It shows you don’t really trust that he acted like the good parent, and he failed to lead you down the right road.

2. You are not at the end point – Even if you face negative circumstances today, the story may not be over. Things might look grim now, but they could improve or even do a complete 180 in the future.

3. Second-guessing overlooks the “God Factor” – Even though we want important decisions to result in smooth sailing down the road, God may be using the unfortunate developments to help you grow in new ways. Your character and your ability to trust God are more important to him than your circumstances are.

4. You are probably comparing your current situation against an idealized version of the alternatives – If your college freshman roommate turns out to be nightmare, you might wish you had accepted the offer from that other school. But how do you know that things would have been any better there? Maybe your roommate there would have been even worse, or maybe you would have had some terrible professors.

5. Second-guessing is useless – You can’t unscramble an egg or un-ring a bell. Lamenting over your decision will only distract you from picking up the pieces and moving forward.

A former church where I was an elder encountered rough waters that resulted from a complicated decision, they had made a few years previously. Due to unforeseen circumstances beyond anyone’s control, they were having to regroup and consider their next step. Because the original direction was determined by consensus rather than unanimity, one of the pastors began questioning whether we should have followed the “minority report” recommendation.

I respectfully but strongly challenged that thought. About twenty godly people had prayerfully followed a lengthy process and considered every possible angle. Had we known then what we knew now, we might have gone a different way. But of course we didn’t know. I can’t believe that nearly two dozen godly people somehow missed God’s will after they did their homework and repeatedly prayed for wisdom. That would be assuming that God had given us a scorpion instead of an egg.

The next time you face unanticipated headwinds flowing from an important decision made according to the principles outlined above, do this:

• Remind yourself that you did everything right

• Seek God’s direction for the next step

• Learn any appropriate lessons for future decisions

• Above all, keep trusting God and remain confident that he will continue to lead you down the right path

Demystifying Decision-Making - Part 1

Much of the process I propose below falls in line with what others have suggested, but I am adding an element at the end that few have included. Be sure to read to the whole article.

What will happen if I take that job in New York instead of staying in Atlanta? Should we pull the trigger now and put an offer in on that new house, or should we wait till the market improves? How do I know which college is best for my daughter?

It’s monumental decisions like these that sometimes inspire sleepless nights. Of course, decisions would be a snap if we only knew the future. But we don’t.

Even Christians struggle in the decision-making process and sometimes over-spiritualize the process by seeking signs, reading too much into circumstances, or flipping their Bibles open, randomly hoping to spot a relevant verse.

For Christians, the process should include:

• Committing the decision to God through prayer – God will always honor your heart-felt decision to do his will.

• Looking to Scripture to make sure the particular choice conforms to God’s ethical and moral standards – Discovering that a company you are considering a job offer from has been convicted of financial misconduct is an obvious red flag.

• Thoroughly investigating each alternative – Do your homework to learn all you can about each option.

• Seeking insights from wise, credible, and trusted friends and colleagues – This can uncover issues you may not have considered.

• Determining if circumstances may be pointing in a certain direction – Although we should not “seek a sign,” sometimes the facts clearly align to strongly nudge you toward a particular option.

Creating a list comparing the advantages of each alternative and assigning relative importance to each factor can also be helpful. For example, if your extended family lives in Arizona, accepting that job offer in Phoenix might be a major plus, whereas the more favorable climate out there might not be so important.

So far, all this is pretty standard advice. But here is the part I have seldom heard anyone add.

If you have followed the guidelines suggested above and have thoroughly committed to go in whichever direction God leads, and if there is a firm deadline to move one way or the other, then you have no choice but to conclude that whatever decision you made is God’s will. This is true even if that decision results in catastrophe down the road.

As an example, a job offer from prospective employer is a binary decision. Either you accept it or you don’t. You can’t do both. If they have asked for your response by 9:00 a.m. Wednesday, you must commit one way or the other by the deadline.

This is how I handle this type of situation:

• Do my best to determine what I think God’s will is

• Tell the Lord right before I pick up the phone to indicate my answer which direction I believe he has led me to

• Ask him to make it abundantly clear if that is not the right decision

If he doesn’t stop me and I accept the position, from that point on I treat the decision as God’s will – no looking back.

So even if the employer fails to honor what they promised or if the company goes bankrupt a month after I start, this does not mean I made the wrong choice or that God has let me down. Even though there might be significant fallout from the new circumstances, I should not second-guess my original decision. But, of course, it’s perfectly acceptable to move on from there.

Next time, I will offer five reasons why second-guessing God’s leading is a bad idea. Stay tuned!

What Do You Do When Your Daughter Is in the ICU and Almost Dies?

“You’d better get over here right now. Things are very bad, and she might not make it.” I was sitting at my desk at work when my mother-in-law called from the hospital with this terrifying message. This was the scariest moment in my entire life.

Here’s the backstory.

Our sixteen-year-old daughter Stephanie was in the ICU at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta (CHOA) with a terrible condition called Stevens Johnson Syndrome (SJS). In a nutshell, SJS is a rare, extreme allergic reaction to medication where the body literally burns from the inside out. The mortality rate is about 30%, and many of those who don’t die often experience permanent damage to their soft tissue including their eyes, mouths and lungs. Many lose their sight entirely. And Stephanie had a severe case with second degree burns on 75% of her body

She had recently started a prescribed sulfa antibiotic, and after a few weeks developed flu-like symptoms, strange sores around her mouth, other serious skin eruptions, and a life-threatening fever that reached 105.7 degrees. Our local ER transferred her to CHOA where she spent 20 days in the pediatric ICU, most of the time intubated and in a drug-induced coma. During her hospitalization, she nearly died three times.

Thankfully, the medical experts were able to identify and correct the problem that prompted my mother-in-law’s horrifying call, and Stephanie survived. She eventually recovered, albeit with eye damage and other significant, lasting problems. By God’s grace, she is doing reasonably well physically, and she and her husband recently welcomed their first child into the world. (I assure you, that boy will NEVER take a sulfa medication.)

Throughout this crisis, God made his presence known in a supernatural way. One question that many asked was how we could appear to be so calm in the midst of a parent’s worst nightmare.  All we could say was that somehow God sustained us emotionally.

I distinctly remember him telling me, “It will be alright.” He did NOT say, “SHE will be alright.” The message was, “IT will be alright.” We had no assurance that Stephanie would survive or that she would not have brain damage or go blind – real possibilities. But we DID have an uncanny sense of God’s presence.

Some wondered how we could trust God in this situation. I clearly recall thinking, “Why would I turn my back on God?” I could either scream at and curse him or run to him and cling to him in unprecedented ways. By God’s grace, despite all the emotional turmoil, neither my wife Annette nor I were ever seriously tempted to turn our backs on God.

I had always heard that God provides grace at precisely the moment we need it but not necessarily in advance. Corie Ten Boom, a saintly Dutch woman from a previous generation, once wrote that when she was a child traveling by train with her family, her father would only hand over her ticket to her at the last minute, just as she was about to board the train. This helped her see God provides – not necessarily by fixing our circumstances, but by assuring us of his presence – when we need it, and seldom before.

There is no guarantee that we will always be spared from tragic circumstances, but God does promise to be with us through even the worst of times:  “I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).”

I pray you never experience a similarly traumatic episode, but if you do I urge you to tap into the grace God offers in such pivotal times of trial. Annette and I can testify that it is real.

Do You Have as Much Integrity as You Think You Do?

“I’m really not comfortable with that,” he said. I had just asked my good friend Tom Jeannett if he would mind if I copied an album he had just bought. Tom explained that that would deprive the artists and record label from money they deserved. He was kind enough not to use the word “steal,” but that is what he was saying. And he was so gracious that, rather than feeling condemned, I realized that what I was asking was wrong and vowed to never do that again.

A few years later, I heard a talk by Bill Bright’s personal assistant. (I think his name was Pat). Bill Bright was founder and president of the ministry Cru, and since Pat traveled all over the world with him, he observed Dr. Bright in all kinds of circumstances, from completely pleasant to highly stressful. This gave Pat deep insights into the man’s character.

For some reason I remember Pat mentioning that Dr. Bright always traveled with two stamp booklets – one for ministry correspondence and the other for personal letters. “He didn’t want to use any ministry asset – even something as small as a postage stamp – for personal purposes.” Who would know if he did? Probably no one. And would it really matter? Dr. Bright thought so. Now that’s integrity!

But personal integrity extends beyond your actions. It also applies to your words. Pastor Chuck Swindoll once said, “A half-truth is a lie when it implies something that is absolutely false.” Ouch! At what point does presenting something in a favorable light become spin, and at what point does spin become a lie? I sometimes get dangerously close to crossing the line.

The NIV renders Jesus’ words in John 14:15 like this: “If you love me, keep my commands.” Of course, this is a commandment. But the ESV translates the verse this way:  “If you love me, you will keep my commandments,” treating his words as more of an observation than a commandment and suggesting that people who really love Jesus “naturally” or typically do what he instructed.

Both are good translations, and theologian R.C. Sproul especially likes the implications of the second one. Sproul comments, “Genuine love for Jesus manifests itself in obedience to His commandments” (John:  An Expositional Commentary, p. 255). Well said, and something to live up to.

So, John 14:15 both instructs us to behave in godly ways and observes that correct behavior flows from hearts that are aligned with God’s.

HERE ARE TWO IMPORTANT CAVEATS:

1. Talk of keeping Jesus’ commandments can lead us to believe that we can become acceptable to God by what we do. Many people think they’re OK if their good deeds outweigh their bad ones. Wrong. The Bible teaches that no one perfectly meets God’s standards. That’s why Jesus came – to assume on himself the penalty we deserve because of our sin and to allow his perfect life to count on our behalf. 

2. Those of us who have accepted Christ’s forgiveness can slip into thinking we remain in God’s favor by our self-effort in following all the rules. And we often add to requirements beyond what Jesus taught or come up with crazy interpretations or applications of his instructions. Of course, we should keep his commandments – isn’t that exactly what John 14:15 teaches? But creating slavish requirements beyond the Bible’s is called legalism, and it will suck the life out of your Christian life.

So, yes, your behavior matters. But that’s not what makes you acceptable to God, either initially or on an ongoing basis. And, as R.C. Sproul says, a natural outgrowth of your growing relationship with Jesus will be increasing conformity to his ways.

Both Tom Jeannett and Bill Bright are excellent examples of people who, because of their love for Jesus, “automatically” want to do what he said. Both of them have challenged me, and I hope they challenge you too.

What If Moses Wasn’t Necessarily the Most Faithful Person of His Era?

How’s that for a provocative title for my post? Let me be completely clear that, as, leader of Israel’s exodus from Egypt, recipient of the Ten Commandments, and author of the Bible’s first five books, Moses was clearly a supremely godly man. I in no way want to diminish his standing as one of the great men of the faith.

However, beyond the “known” heroes of the Bible, God has always had a multitude of other committed people even in darkest of times. Remember how, centuries after Moses, Elijah was in the depths of despair, thinking he was God’s only genuine follower in all Israel. But God revealed to him that there were 7,000 others who had not bent their knees to false idols (1 Kings 19). We know absolutely nothing about these 7,000 beyond the fact that God knew their hearts and that they remained true to him.

Similarly, we can assume there were many devoted “ordinary” Jewish people during the entire 430 years of Israel’s captivity in Egypt. I may be going out on a limb here, but I believe there could have been people in the generation immediately preceding Moses who loved God as much as Moses did. But one reason God didn’t tap them for the leadership role may have been because he wasn’t ready to move. When the time was right, he needed someone to lead the charge, and Moses was his man.

Expanding on this thought, perhaps there were truly godly people who died the very day before Moses first approached Pharoah to set the Exodus in motion. If that was the case, these people had no idea of the miracle that was about to unfold. But that didn’t mean God wasn’t pleased with them.

My point is that one reason we know about Moses is that he was the right man used by God at just the right time in history. The fact that others are totally unknown to us may be more a reflection of God’s timetable than it was of their “worthiness.” God had absolute discretion to use them – or not use them – as he saw fit. Their job was merely to be faithful. Whether they became channels for God’s mighty power was totally up to God. We tend to think the more holy someone is, the more God will bless and use them in spectacular ways. This isn’t necessarily so.

This concept has relevance for two groups:

1. “Ordinary” Christians who faithfully and quietly follow and serve God in their daily lives. The overwhelming majority will remain unknown to history. However, God may use them to touch others – perhaps just one – which, in turn, could ripple forward, changing hundreds or thousands of lives. So, don’t underestimate the potential impact you are having as a diaper-changing mom, a tenth grade boys’ youth group leader, or a diligent employee faithfully and appropriately radiating Jesus in the workplace. Who knows what eternal impact your efforts will yield!

2. Pastors or authors who labor year after year and never see the huge numbers or bright spotlight that some “celebrity” ministers or writers enjoy. I remember hearing about a missionary family that ministered for decades in Japan – one of the toughest “mission fields’” in the world – with virtually no changed lives to spotlight. Does that mean they didn’t measure up or missed God’s calling? Not necessarily. They did what God led them to do, and that’s what count. Pleasing him is measured by someone’s heart and diligence, not by statistics.

We need to redefine “success” as faithfully carrying out the role and tasks God has placed before you and leaving the results – no matter how big or small – to God. Although a very few may be like Moses, many will be more like the unknown 7,000, but all can be pleasing to God.

Reactions to My Last Post on Questions

My last post on three power aspects of questions prompted some great thoughts which I’d like to pass along.

As a reminder, the three strengths of questions I highlighted are:

• Their ability to invite clarification without alienating others:  “I might have misunderstood your point. Are you saying . . . ?”

• Their ability to draw others in and give them a sense of ownership:  After throwing out an idea, asking, “What do you think of that? Is it a good idea?”

• Their ability to offer a suggestion in a low-key way by inviting the other person to consider the issue from a different angle:  “What do you think would happened if . . . .?”

You can scroll down to my previous post, dated December 10, for fuller explanations of these concepts.

After reading my last post, my good friend Chris Ebert offered this great insight:

“Making statements shows how much you know. Asking questions shows how much you care.”

I love that! A few days later, Chris texted this follow-up message:

“I had an incredible discussion with a 22-year-old at the swimming pool yesterday. He . . . is so lost in his direction in life. He’s got 30 directions in which he wants to go, and I implemented the ‘question first and not the statement first’ approach, and it was beautiful! It is so unnatural for me to ask questions and not make statements.”

In my reply to Chris, I noted that asking questions IS a bit of a shift, but it’s well worth it.

Another old friend, Twinky (yes, that’s what she goes by) Satterthwaite pointed out the importance of asking questions in a humble and non-condescending way. Of course, she’s absolutely right. Since the goal to is further a two-way conversation, you should be completely respectful. Furthermore, asking probing follow-up questions (e.g., “Why do you think he reacted that way?”) encourages the other person to think about the issue, perhaps in a new way.

In my last post, I mentioned two advantages of the “What do you think would happen if . . .” approach:

• Making a suggestion via a question is more gentle than just blurting out advice

• It helps you not come across as a know-it-all

After my post, I thought of a third advantage:

• Not every one of my ideas is brilliant, and if I throw out a stupid suggestion, my credibility could suffer. Posing the suggestion as a question minimizes that risk.

I finished the last post by pointing out that Jesus himself regularly taught by asking questions. Perhaps the most significant one he posed relates to his identity. After asking his disciples who the crowds thought he was, he asked them, “Who do you say I am?” Peter responded, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.” Jesus was pleased!

His question to the disciples is especially appropriate as we come off the Christmas season. Jesus was indeed Emmanuel, God with us, and he assumed on himself the penalty for our sins when he died on the cross. And the fact that he come back to life confirmed that he indeed is God in human form.

Let me end by asking you the same question Jesus asked of his disciples:  Who do you say he is?

The Power of Questions: 3 Examples

Scenario 1:

“You sure can find a dark lining in any silver cloud.” So said a fellow member of our church’s spiritual formation strategy committee. Although I liked the concept the group was discussing, I had just pointed out a possible downside no one had mentioned. Essentially, this gentleman’s message was, “You should keep your negativity to yourself.” I did. I didn’t say anything for the rest of the meeting.

Certainly, I’m not right about every thought that pops in my head. However, as someone who spent nine years in fulltime Christian ministry and as a senior corporate executive with strong analytical/strategic thinking skills, I had considerable experience with the topic under discussion. And I wanted to caution the group about a possible oversight.

I’m perfectly fine with people pushing back on my ideas, but instead of dropping a bomb like this guy did, he should have, first of all, softened his rhetoric and, then, followed up with a question to make sure he really understood my point – something like this: “It sounds like you think this is a bad idea. Am I misreading that?”

That would have given me the chance to clarify the fact that, although I thought the idea on the table was basically solid, there was a consideration that was potentially being overlooked. His question would have invited me to make clear a thought that may not have been perfectly worded without dismissing me.

So, the first power aspect of questions is their ability to invite clarification without alienating others.

Scenario 2:

“Do you think more kids will want hamburgers than hotdogs?” he asked. “What do you think?”

I was a rookie band camp dad helping a veteran band dad prepare lunch for the kids during a summer practice. “The kids should be here around 11:30. When do you think we should start grilling?” “Do these burgers look done to you? What do you think?” He must have asked my opinion on ten different issues.

Now, the other dad had manned the grill numerous times before and almost certainly didn’t really need my input. But I genuinely appreciated his desire to ask my opinion. That made me feel I was truly part of the process.

So, a second power use of questions is their ability to draw others in and give them a sense of ownership.

Scenario 3:

“So, how was your weekend,” I asked my friend over Panera bagels. “Well, not so hot. My wife and I got into an argument about her wanting to buy a rototiller for her garden. It’s only about 20’ x 12’, and I can turn the soil over with a shovel in about an hour. I don’t mind doing that, but she says a rototiller would do a better job. The cheapest one I found at Home Depot is $300.”

He continued, “Have you heard of the book The $64 Tomato? It could have been written about our garden. Every year she spends hundreds of dollars on soil amendments, fertilizer, fencing, pesticide, plants, seeds, and deer deterrent (which is very expensive and has to be refreshed whenever it rains). I’m glad she loves gardening, but the yield is pretty modest (hence the $64 tomato), and I don’t think it’s smart to spend $300 for something I could do almost as well for no money. She didn’t agree. So, it was a pretty icy weekend.”

After expressing empathy over his situation, I asked, “What do you think would happen if, early in the spring, you two sat down and looked at projected expenses over the summer – kids’ camps and activities, vacation plans, any unusual household expenses, etc. – and agreed on how much was available for the garden? If you agreed that she could comfortably spend, say, $400 on the garden, she could use that any way she wanted to. She might have to cut down elsewhere if she decided to buy the $300 rototiller.”

“Well, I never thought of that. That’s a pretty good idea. It just might work,” he responded.

Essentially, I was making a suggestion, but I offered it as a question instead of a statement. As he processed this new idea, he had to think through how his wife might react. Even if it was a bad idea, it would have given him something to mull over, and it could have prompted a somewhat different and even better approach. In either case, he would be moving off dead center.

Another advantage of posing the idea as a question was that I didn’t come across as overly directive and a know-it-all.

So, the third power of questions is their ability to draw people into problem solving in a way that statements might not.

Jesus himself often incorporated questions into his teaching:

·       Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (Matthew 6:27)

·       Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? (Luke 11:11)

·       Which of these do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers? (Luke 10:36)

Shouldn’t we follow Jesus’ example?

And did you notice how I phrased this last suggestion as a question?  😊

The Best Way to Get Someone to Change Their Ways

As we dove into our burgers and fries, my friend Chase and I were getting caught up after not having seen each other for a few months. He had been in our Friday morning men’s group but had to pull back because of a job change, other work pressures, a move to a new house, and the demands generated by a very active household.

Covid compounded the problem by halting both the men’s group’s and out church’s in-person meetings. Even though our church is now back in full swing, because Chase’s family includes high Covid-risk individuals, his family continues to stream the services instead of attending in person.

When Chase admitted feeling somewhat isolated, I commented, “You really need to get more involved with other Christians again.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I paused and said, “Let me rephrase that: ‘Getting together in person with others is really important, and I don’t want you to miss out on what that can do for you.’”

The reason I revised my suggestion was that I had just concluded my blog series from a couple of months ago on legalism. That series was motivated by a TV sermon where the pastor – who typically imparts rule after rule after rule – was adding to his long “you must” list. My comment to Chase made me realize I was sounding a bit like the heavy-handed pastor, something I certainly didn’t want to do.

I wanted Chase to fully experience the joys of getting together with other believers to both give and receive encouragement, to grow in his faith, and to maximize his spiritual leadership of his family. I honestly didn’t want him to miss out on that.

Pointing a boney finger at someone makes them feel that you’re trying to “fix” them. By contrast, painting an enticing picture of what can be and then inviting the other person to step into that is far more attractive.

Isn’t that exactly what Jesus did as he likened life in the kingdom to the joy of finding a buried treasure or an extremely valuable pearl? He also promised rest for the weary and relief from the burdens of life. Of course, he was brutal to the religious leaders who were adding legalistic burdens to their converts, making them “twice as much a child of hell as you are yourselves” (Matthew 23:15). But the fact that he attracted so many “outcasts” testifies to the effectiveness of his positive message of grace and love, and the need to be forgiven and changed. The “I don’t want you to miss out” approach is far more likely to win over someone’s heart than is the “beat someone into submission” method.

There are a few caveats, though:

·       Just because your approach is gentle, you mustn’t throw out God’s standards or condone sin. God calls us to lifestyles that reflect his holy nature.

·       This approach is most effective with people with whom you have a decent relationship. It’s far harder when you are estranged from someone. But even then, trying to communicate that you want the best for the other person never hurts.

·       Parents often have to be more heavy-handed with their children than they can be with peers and colleagues. But even when you must lower the boom, it’s most helpful if you can convey that your motivation is wanting the best for your child, not making their lives miserable.

·       Sometimes tough love is necessary, especially if the other person suffers from addiction or some other major dysfunction.

So, next time you encourage someone to make a change, consider how you can communicate that your primary motive is wanting them to not miss out on all God has for them.

Does This Guy Really Sin Every 20 Seconds?

“I always start the day telling the Lord I want to serve him that day, but I end up sinning 1,000 times before lunch.”

So said one of the guys at a recent men’s group meeting. I quickly did some mental math. Let’s see, if he wakes up at 6:00 and has lunch at 12:00, that’s six hours. A thousand sins divided by six hours comes out to about three sins a minute. I felt like asking him, “In a typical day, how many online accounts do you hack, how many women do you assault, how many drug deals do you do? You must be a busy guy!”

Of course, he didn’t mean the “sin a thousand times” thing literally. He was just acknowledging the fact that he fails to live up to the lifestyle described in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus’ magnificent message which has a couple of purposes:

1.       Painting a portrait of what life in God’s kingdom will be like

2.       Revealing that absolutely no one can live up to God’s standards

Although I appreciated this gentleman’s humility, I’m not sure his sentiment is the most helpful way to look at yourself, partly because of its assumption about sin’s definition. Theologically, sin is a condition we are all born into and in which we remain until we recognize our guilt before God and turn to Jesus and accept the forgiveness he offers through his death in our place. At that point, we are spiritually reborn, and God views us as perfect as Jesus is. One of my favorite verses is Romans 8:1 – “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.” In case you missed it:  there is no condemnation. None.

Of course, we will continue in our state of imperfection until we meet Jesus face to face. Except for Jesus, no one in history – not any of the apostles, not Mother Theresa, not Billy Graham – ever lived a perfect life. The men’s group gentleman was appropriately acknowledging that he’s flawed. But there is a difference between not being perfect, being tempted, and sinning. As Martin Luther famously said, “You cannot prevent the birds from flying in the air over your head, but you can certainly prevent them from building a nest in your hair.” Everyone is tempted, including Jesus himself. But being tempted is not the same as sinning. Neither is being imperfect.

This may not be a theologically “perfect” explanation, but from a practical standpoint you sin when you choose to sin. All Christians have the Holy Spirit living inside us. And he acts as a “governor,” showing you behavioral lines (defined by what the Bible teaches) that you shouldn’t cross. There comes a moment when you can choose to resist the Holy Spirit’s warning. That’s when you sin, either through a sin of commission (when you specifically act in a wrong way) or a sin of omission (where you fail to do something you should do). I don’t think you can sin without knowing it. You sin when you make a wrong choice.

But don’t forget this additional critical fact:  even when you do sin, God still sees Christ’s perfection in you instead of your sin. As John says in his first letter, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:19, NIV).

So, as much as I appreciated the men’s group gentlemen’s humility, I don’t think characterizing his life that way is the best place to “live.”  It all comes down to a “glass-half-empty” vs. “glass-half-full” perspective. Or to think of it another way, instead of dwelling on the fact that you’re a sinner saved by grace, you should acknowledge your spiritual growth and think of yourself as a saint who sometimes sins. Although Paul called himself the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15) he also says, “I focus on this one thing:  Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us” (Philippians 3:13-14, NLT). He also declares, “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old is gone; a new life has begun” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT). This perspective is a much better default than the “sin-1,000-a-day” attitude.

Are You Waiting for Superhero Jesus to Fix Things?

After listening to Job complain for several chapters, God has had enough and asks a series of probing questions, reminding Job that, as creator of the entire universe, God can do absolutely anything. Although grasping that truth is great, there can be a downside. Because of God’s infinite power to change anything, you might passively wait for him to fix your problems rather than courageously face them.

My deepest problems stem from having grown up in an emotionally toxic family. I’ve written about this before. My dad was a mentally ill, emotionally abusive bully narcissist who particularly targeted me. Beyond that, almost every other man in the extended family suffered from either serious dysfunctionality or outright mental illness. Two of them committed suicide. As I’ve processed all this, I realize that a lingering impact is the still-pervasive feeling at the deepest level that whenever there is a relationship problem, it’s my fault. This has many implications.

The awesome counselor I met with about ten years ago told me on at least four occasions that someone with my background should be an alcoholic, some other kind of addict, unemployable, divorced three times, or abusive. The fact that I’m none of those is undeniable evidence of God’s grace. Praise him! However, despite my great progress, the residual impact of that wretched background will probably remain with me the rest of my life, at least to some extent.

Returning to my initial comments about God being able to do absolutely anything, I’ve only seen a few cases where he has instantly and completely delivered individuals from seemingly hopeless addiction or some other crisis-level problem. More typically, progress is slow and gradual as the Holy Spirit works in someone’s life. God could immediately erase all the scars of my past and completely heal that part of my life, but he hasn’t (yet). Instead, his preferred path seems to be giving me the grace and fortitude to work through problems bravely and wisely.

Several years ago, I was forced to confront a highly dysfunctional situation where someone was deeply hurting a third party. My prior experience with people like this told me the likelihood of a favorable outcome was tiny. In fact, the confrontation might make the situation far worse. Nevertheless, for the sake of the other person, I felt led to proceed. I had about a week to verify this approach and think through a strategy.

During that week, I remembered a dramatic scene from C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe where one of the children (Peter) had to attack a ferocious wolf that was about to devour his sister Susan.

Peter did not feel very brave; indeed, he felt he was going to be sick. But that made no difference to what he had to do. He rushed straight up to the monster and aimed a slash of his sword at its side.

A nightmarish battle ensues.  But finally, Peter

found that the monster lay dead and he had drawn his sword out of it and was straightening his back and rubbing the sweat off his face and out of his eyes.

Mind you, Aslan, who represents Christ, was right there watching the whole thing. He could have instantly vaporized the wolf, but instead he wanted Peter to experience the growth and exhilaration that comes from facing and attacking a terrifying situation.

This recollection confirmed that the potentially dangerous conversation was the right course to take. And for one of the first times ever, I saw God break through the hardness of someone’s heart. It bolstered my faith and confidence.

How about you? What would you say is the single, deepest issue in your entire life? Can you name it? Maybe no one else even knows about it. It could be an addiction, the lingering memory of a mistake made years ago, a hopeless circumstance, persistent depression, a degenerative disease, or any number of other things. In dealing with this problem, you have three choices:

1.       Do nothing, hoping it will fix itself

2.       Passively wait for Superhero Jesus to swoop down to instantly solve your problem

3.       Depending on the Holy Spirit, think and pray through a strategy to face your issue head-on, recognizing that the resolution probably won’t be instantaneous

Number 1 solves nothing, and you will remain “stuck,” allowing that problem to continue defining you. Number 2 can happen but rarely does.

I urge you to pursue number 3.

Part 2 - “What’s Your Definition of Legalism?"

Last time, I identified three aspects of legalism as any practice or activity that:

1. God has used in my life which I then expect other believers to follow

2. I feel compelled to do to enhance my relationship with God and which, if I don’t do, will jeopardize my standing with him

3. Fans my spiritual pride or causes me to look down upon those who are less “spiritual’

And I promised to amplify these thoughts this time with comments on how misunderstanding context and culture or misreading Scripture can make the legalism problem worse. This happens in at least four ways:

1. Elevating “non-essential” doctrines or opinions to the level of undeniable truth and judging other Christians who disagree.

Theologians often categorize Christian beliefs into three levels:

• Level 1 – Things over which there can be no compromise, such as the Trinity, Jesus’ deity, his virgin birth, the fact that his death and physical resurrection are the only provision for forgiveness of sin, and the recognition that Christians should be baptized and participate in communion.

• Level 2 – Doctrinal differences of opinion, such as the appropriate age for baptism (infancy or adulthood), the mechanics of baptism (sprinkling or full immersion), the frequency of communion (weekly, quarterly or “whenever”), or the “theology” of communion (whether Jesus is physically present in the bread and wine, whether he is spiritually present, or whether they are just symbolic elements). These are issues around which denominations appropriately form.

• Level 3 – Opinions, such as whether it’s OK for a Christian to buy a Lamborghini, what type of music is best for worship, or whether a church should go into debt over a building program. Although Scripture contains helpful principles to think these things through, there are no verses giving specific answers.

It’s perfectly fine to develop strong theological positions. However, they become problematic when you insist that every Christian agree with you on every point. When people “sanctify” their Level 3 views on clothing, hair styles, music preferences, etc., legalism thrives. In their terrific book How to Read the Bible for All It’s Worth, Gordon Fee and Doug Stewart observe:  “ . . . there is no such thing as a divinely ordained culture” (page 85).

2. Getting so caught up in defining every last possible sin that your distinctions become laughable:

• Some Christian groups prohibit going to the movies “because you are supporting the evil Hollywood movie industry.” However, they allow watching the same movies once they hit TV. Really?

• Some who forbid all alcohol say you shouldn’t even drink a Coke at a social event because “how does an observer know you don’t have rum in your Coke?” Water is the drink of choice. To that I would ask, “How does an observer know that it’s really water and not vodka?”

• Writer Phillip Yancey recalls during his school years walking the halls of his Bible college – which forbade facial hair on male students – seeing portraits of renowned professors and school leaders from bygone eras sporting full beards.

3. Applying some New Testament commands literally while ignoring others and judging Christians who don’t obey the ones you latch onto. For example, based on Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 14:34 (“Women should remain silent in the churches”) in some Christian circles, women are not allowed to hold pastoral roles that involve public speaking. However, since Paul also penned 1 Timothy 2:9, to be consistent, these same people should forbid women from wearing expensive clothing, gold or pearl adornments, or elaborate hairstyles. I have never seen “jewelry police” at the sanctuary door. Furthermore, Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:13 that it’s improper for a woman to pray with her head uncovered. Very few Protestant churches require this.

Ironically, in the late 1960s, when “hippie culture” was beginning to flourish, many of the same Christians who ignored 1 Corinthians 11:13 about women covering their heads while praying invoked the very next verse (“If a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him”) as “proof” that God condemns long hair on men.

Other practices which Paul presents as commands, but which are often ignored include:

• Drinking a little wine for the stomach – Some ban all alcohol.

• Greeting each other with a holy kiss – Pretty much unheard-of in Western churches.

• Not prohibiting speaking in tongues – Some denominations forbid this practice. 

4. Basing some prohibitions on a misreading or misapplication of Scripture. I ran into this as a newbie when I heard an older Christian admonish a mutual friend to put down his beer. “You’re making me stumble,” he said, invoking Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 14. If you flip to that passage, you will see Paul is discussing a particular practice – eating food that had been previously sacrificed to a pagan idol – and concludes that, although there is nothing inherently wrong with that action, a newer and “weaker” Christian could become confused by seeing such behavior and stumble in his faith. Ironically, rather than identifying as the “weaker” Christian, the person urging our friend to not drink “because it will make me stumble” is implicitly claiming the high spiritual ground.

These four factors play into the discussion of legalism in my last post and make the problem worse.

I am not in any way implying that the Bible is not helpful for teaching us how to behave, but we must carefully understand the context of these instructions so we don’t come up with questionable or inconsistent applications. And I am certainly not saying that, when it comes to our actions as Christians, “anything goes.” We are to pursue holy lives that honor God, but we should not do so in ways that elevates certain applications of biblical principles to absolute truths when there may be other equally valid ways to follow those principles.  

What do you think?

"What's Your Definition of Legalism?"

My last blog post on my least favorite sermon prompted an old friend to ask what my definition of legalism is. This is an important question, and I decided to change my line-up of future blog posts to answer it. This week, I present three categories of attitudes or actions I consider legalistic, and next time I’ll comment on how misunderstanding culture and context compounds the problem.

Let me start with the most charitable of the categories of legalism.

!. Any practice or activity God has used in my life which I then expect other believers to follow – One of life’s greatest joys is experiencing the blessing of God transforming some area of your life.

One cause of legalism is the well-intentioned desire to see God work in others’ lives just as he has in yours. For example, someone whom God has rescued from alcoholism fully comprehends its danger. So, out of a legitimate concern for others’ well-being, some insist that no believer should consume alcohol – ever. But not everyone who drinks an occasional beer is destined for Skid Row.

There is certainly room for personally abstaining but not for forbidding all Christians worldwide from drinking. Not consuming in front of someone who might have a drinking problem shows Christian charity. And people who have had direct experiences with addicted friends or family may decide not to drink because they have personally witnessed alcoholism’s devastation. I have a friend who holds this view but doesn’t judge Christians who drink.

Legalists are not so generous and often force on others their views on this or dozens of other issues.

2. Any practice or activity I feel compelled to do to enhance my relationship with God and which, if I don’t do, will jeopardize my standing with him – This trap is very subtle. Spiritual disciplines such as reading scripture, praying, helping others, and sharing your faith are all important, can help you grow in your relationship with Jesus, and should be encouraged.

Christians fully understand that we can do nothing to earn God’s forgiveness. However, after their initial salvation experience, some revert to a performance mentality, working to maintain God’s approval. Clearly, your behavior matters, and God wants you to live a holy life. But it becomes dangerous when you turn the spiritual disciplines into a slavish list of mandates and lifeless drudgery where, if – for example – you miss a day of Bible reading, you assume God disapproves of you.

I succumbed to this snare early in my Christian life. For the three summers between my college years, I worked at a wonderful 4-H summer camp at the far eastern end of Long Island. After my first season, God touched my life, and I trusted Christ to forgive my sins. During my second year, I was vocal about how wonderful it is to know Jesus. But apparently my behavior didn’t quite match my words. At the end-of-the-summer counselors’ banquet where we gave each other funny awards, I got a “Practice What You Preach” certificate signed by Jesus Christ himself. Ouch! Apparently, my behavior wasn’t quite up to snuff.

So, I vowed to do better my third summer and committed to thinking about God as continuously as possible:  while interacting with the kids, while meeting with other counselors, while teaching electricity classes, while cleaning the washhouse toilets, etc. If I realized I hadn’t thought about God in the previous ten minutes, I would confess that “sin” and promise to do better.

This certainly was not the easy yoke or the light burden Jesus talks about in Matthew 11:28-30. My obsessive thought practice lasted for about two days before I realized it was sucking the life out me.

This is a great example of self-imposed legalism.

3. Any practice or activity that fans my spiritual pride or causes me to look down upon those who are less “spiritual’ – This, of course, is the older brother’s problem in the Prodigal Son parable. Enough said.

So, there you have it:  three aspects of legalism. But wait . . . there’s more! There are also cultural overtones that can play into this syndrome. Next time I will discuss four other elements that can compound the legalism problem.

Probably My Least Favorite Sermon of All Time

I play in our church’s worship band as often as my schedule allows. Our only weekly rehearsal starts at 7:00 a.m. Sundays, just over two hours before the first service, so it means rising early the weeks I play.

As I was getting ready one morning about a year ago, I tuned the small TV in our bathroom to a popular TV preacher and heard part of a sermon that I would characterize as maybe my least favorite of all time. He was wrapping up by admonishing his congregation to live out their faith in some very specific ways. Here is my recollection of his comments:

• “Every Christian should be reading their Bible every day.”

• “If you’re not regularly talking about Jesus, I have to wonder how much you really love him.” “Parents, it’s great that you bring your kids to church, but that’s not enough. When you get home, you should discuss the sermon over Sunday dinner to help them see how to apply it in their lives.”

• “I wouldn’t even thing about putting my kids to bed without praying a prayer like this over them.” And he outlined a lofty prayer that covered all the key aspects of their lives.

I WANT TO BE 100% CLEAR! These are all admirable actions and should be encouraged. Who can argue with any of them? My problem was with the tone of his message and the fact that his sermons typically end with similar admonitions.

I’m definitely not Jesus’ most faithful disciple by any stretch, but I do my honest best to walk with him and honor him every day. So, how do I fare with this minister’s checklist?

• Read my Bible every day? Well, I’m probably three or four times a week – So, I guess I’m guilty.

• Talk about Jesus? – I do pretty well here, but I certainly miss opportunities – This one is probably OK.

• Process the sermon with the kids?  – They’re both grown now, but when they were young, we were spotty at best about doing this – So, not so much.

• Praying a galaxy-scraping prayer over the kids every night at bedtime? – Can’t check that box either.

So, I guess my score is:

• Guilty

• Decent

• Guilty

• Guilty

All that in just 10 minutes. Wow! I can’t wait to tune in next week so I can get beaten up again.

Again, I take no issue with these instructions. They are all important. And there is clearly a role for periodically highlighting God’s standards and reminding us where we fall short. But is it healthy to get a steady diet of messages teaching that God is probably highly disappointed in me and that I need to get much more serious about my relationship with him?

I have known many people who were raised in this type of legalistic environment, and the impact of the constant haranguing can be (at best) discouraging or (at worst) highly destructive.  Many people who grew up being constantly scolded like this believe God has an ugly scowl on his face whenever he thinks about them. And many others, convinced that they will never be good enough, simply walk away from the faith altogether.

Isn’t this type of performance-based message the very thing that irked Jesus about the Pharisees? Although he certainly never compromised on God’s standards, he focused on God’s love and grace. Doesn’t his emphasis explain why, although the religious establishment despised him, the prostitutes, tax collectors and other outcasts flocked to him?

Does God care about my behavior? Of course! Should I be striving to better reflect his character more completely and live a more holy life? Of course! But why am I doing it? Is it to earn God’s favor so he won’t punish me for my shortcomings, or is it to reflect my gratitude for what he’s already done and continues to do in my life? And isn’t a focus on God’s grace far more attractive to outsiders than a message of “do’s and don’ts”?

2 Awesome Prayer Practices

Although we can never fully understand all the facets of prayer, we can and should continue to make prayer a vital part of our lives. This week, I’d like to offer two creative ideas I hope will enrich your prayer life.

Pray Alphabetically

Although I used to sleep very soundly for most of my life, in recent years I’ve developed the unfortunate habit of waking up about 3:00 – 4:00 a.m. and not being able to get back to sleep. Once my brain “kicks in,” I know it’s all over. Mind you, I seldom worry. Instead, I think – sometimes excitedly – about what the new day holds. Regardless of my mental state, the result is the same:  I’m awake.

Several years ago, I read about a lady who addressed her middle-of-the-night sleeplessness by praying for people based on their names, i.e., starting with someone whose first or last name begins with the letter “A,” them moving on to a “B” person, then a “C” person, and so on. I adopted this habit bout a year ago.

Beyond praying for current friends, I’m amazed how God brings people to mind who I may not have thought of for years. Because I’m trying to keep my brain in neutral as long as possible so I can get back to sleep, I don’t linger very long on any name. Somehow this practice is so soothing, that I sometimes only make it halfway through the alphabet before returning to dreamland.

Unfortunately for “J” people, I know dozens of Jasons, Jacobs, Jims, Justins. Joes, Jeremys, etc. so they don’t get much “airtime.” At the other extreme, I know only one person with an “X” name:  Ramona Xiques, a girl from high school I took on one date. So, she shows up almost every time, assuming I stay awake long enough.

Break Your Prayer Requests Down

We all have a handful of very close people we regularly pray for, often every day. Everyone has layered, complex needs. When praying for these very special people, I often find myself either praying very general, high-level prayers or racing through a whole list of requests without much real engagement. If you do the same, try this instead.

Set up a multi-day “rotation” where you pray specifically for a different aspect of their lives each day. For example:

·       Day 1 – Pray for their spiritual life and walk with Jesus

·       Day 2 – Pray for their relationships

·       Day 3 – Pray for any of their current challenges, opportunities or struggles you know of

·       Day 4 – Pray for other life circumstance needs:  work, health, finances, etc.

Of course, on any day you can pray beyond the particular category, and these are just suggested groupings. You might want to include fewer or more days or develop different categories. Be creative in how you structure your prayers for these dear friends and family members.

These practices are certainly not “magic,” but they might expand your desire to pray for others. Let me know what you think.

Special Edition: Your Responses on the Dynamics of Prayer

My last blog post invited you to comment on various aspects of prayer, specifically:

·       The relationship between praying without ceasing and falling into empty repetition

·       The “quantity” of prayer

·       The specificity of prayer

·       The intensity with which we pray

That post generated lots of response with many wonderful insights. Submissions came in as comments on my web page and through various social media platforms. Thanks to all who contributed your ideas!

Instead if creating a new blog post with my own thoughts this week, I would rather spotlight your inspiring insights. You will be blessed if you take the time to read through them.

Two themes that several mentioned were:

• Rather than being just “a thing,” we should view prayer as part of our relationship with God, something we live out.

• We shouldn’t forget that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, advocating and “correcting” our prayers as necessary.

Hard to argue with either of these ideas!

Scroll down to my last my post, dated August 6 and click on the  “comments” button at the bottom of my August 6 post.  

And I have reproduced immediately below some excerpts from social media submissions. Keep reading.

Does God hear the long agonizing prayer of lament and distress more than the simple daily prayers uttered in my life? Do numbers and words really make a difference? I don’t know how it all works but I think persevering in prayer matters. Often I just wonder does it really matter….yet I find myself praying sometimes without even thinking….it’s like breathing. We can’t live without it.

Jennifer Williams

These years with (my daughter) Heidi’s cancer, bone marrow transplant and soon-to-be kidney transplant have had me in “ceaseless prayer” for her. Then there are all the folks praying that I update. I honestly see prayer as more and more of a mystery…Somehow God wants us to make our requests known to Him. Yet He will work according to His plan. We can pray as a single individual and as a community, baring our hearts and souls which I believe God will hear and respond to rightly.

Twinky Satterthwaite

What about enjoying getting to know The Father better by just conversing with Him! Not asking Him for things all the time, but just talking and listening to Him. Listening to the promptings of His Spirit.

Sonny Lallerstedt

There are 4 things that seem to characterize my Intense Prayers.

1.  Shorter the better

2.  Said out loud 

3.  Conversational

4.  Alone

The HS fills in the blanks. . . . Said differently, we can’t mess up a prayer, even if it’s short in Specificity or Quantity.

Dennis Dixon

Ps. 37:4  . . . calls us to "delight" in the Lord. I know this verse is often misused, but when looked at in context, it shows that God desires our delighting in Him, not as a "get what we want" from a worldly sense, but from an eternal sense. The context shows that in spite of life's challenges, we are to want Him, and look forward to being with Him for eternity.

. . . .

Certainly empty repetition is not good, and I am often guilty of that.  I try to be specific, but don't overdo it. I am aware that God certainly knows the need for which I'm praying, so it's not like I'm trying to fill Him in on the details. But I think specificity is more for us than for Him. It causes us to think about the need, and it also allows us to see how God responds to the need.  But we can overdo it.  I think about how we pray in ways that might not be in God's perfect will. I would have been one to pray that Joseph be released from prison.  But that would have not been God's plan. Maybe better to pray that Joseph would experience God's blessing and that he persevere in faith.

. . .

I do like to think that if I get hung up about quantity, intensity, specificity, and language, I lose the most important aspects... relationship, trust, belief, dependence. It's about having a conversation with God who already knows what I and others need, but wants me to regard Him with the awe and intimacy that's involved in the most valuable relationship we have.

Steve Simpson

My prayers always have the same pattern and sometimes with different words or names and situations. I think if we get too caught up in trying to make our prayers unique, we might miss our mark on the “why” we’re talking to God in the first place.

Chris Ebert

One of my favorite lessons on prayer is Nehemiah 1 & 2 with emphasis on 2:1-6. Nehemiah prays with fervor and specificity when he learns of the condition of Jerusalem. The narrative intimates that others were also praying. And he demonstrates constancy when the king, perhaps unexpectedly, asks him to make a request. We may be sure that he did not spend ten minutes in prayer before responding. “He prayed to the Lord and answered the king” in one motion.

Jason Renier