Billy Joel Got It Wrong
We have a four-octave electronic keyboard that our grandkids love to bang on. Their favorite feature is the demo song that plays Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are” as it cycles every four bars through several of 99 different “voices”: flute, Hawaiian guitar, pipe organ, tuba, accordion, bag pipes, gurgle, etc. The kids think it’s a hoot!
Hearing this tune ad nauseum reminded me of the lyrics. Here’s the opening line:
Don't go changing to try and please me/You never let me down before
One of the verses says.
I said, "I love you," that's forever
And this, I promise from the heart, mmm-hmm-hmm
I couldn't love you any better
I love you just the way you are
The irony is that the piano man wrote this song in 1979 for his first wife Elizabeth Weber, but sadly, they divorced in 1982. Countless pop songs include lyrics pledging never-ending love, but many of the composers and artists who produce these songs experience anything but that. I think it’s because they confuse like and love.
We typically think that you progress from like to love. And that’s often true. But just because you love someone doesn’t mean you like everything about them. Married couples should have an unbreakable commitment to love each other until they are parted by death. However, you can deeply love someone but not always like their behavior. God loves unconditionally those of us who have committed our lives to him and received the forgiveness Jesus offers. But that doesn’t mean he approves of our misbehavior.
Recently, after hearing the electronic version of this song for probably the thousandth time, I told my wife Annette, “I love you just the way you are – most of the time.” Of course, I said in jest, but there’s an element of truth in there.
Although there are times we have minor skirmishes, beneath it all is an unshakable, loving commitment that neither of us will ever leave. However, anyone who has been deeply involved with someone else for more than a few days recognizes that they have at least a few habits that can be annoying.
It's a wonderful sentiment for Billy to tell his wife that she doesn’t have to change a thing. But the flipside should be that his wife should be willing to make minor changes if some of her attitudes or behaviors are irritating, as should he. I’m not saying someone should deny their basic personality or tremble in fear that they will alienate the other person, but we should humbly acknowledge that we are not perfect. No one is lovable all the time, and I’m deceiving myself if I pretend that there is nothing about me that should change. And I should be willing to do so for my spouse.
Annette and I have been married for 44 years. In all the hundreds of thousands of hours we’ve spent together, I’ve done many things that annoy her. I must be open to considering how I could be more considerate, more thoughtful, and easier to live with. Being willing to make an effort to make the other’s life a bit more pleasant shows respect for both the person and the relationship.
A few weeks ago, Annette and I made a deal. We agreed that we would each identify just two things that we would prefer the other start doing or stop doing. These were just minor annoyances, and we’re trying to do better in these areas. Of course, I’m not going to tell you what they are!
So, yes, I love Annette just the way she is – most of the time – and she loves me just the way I am – most of the time. Actually, we really do love each other all the time, even when we do things that make us hard to live with. But we’re both trying to shrink the number of times we’re not so likeable.
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“No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.”
1 Corinthians 10:24
How well do you live out 1 Corinthians 10:24 with those closest to you?
Do the most important people in your life know that you are committed to them, no matter what? How easy is it for you to verbalize that?