"Woe Is Me!"

Annette and I faced some unusual infrastructure challenges one day last week. It started with an unexpected electrical power outage that lasted several hours. Right after power was restored, we discovered a natural gas leakage that caused the gas company to shut us down. Unfortunately, the valve needed to fix the leak was on back order, so no gas for more than a week. In case you’re wondering, sponge baths, cold water shampoos, and being “stoveless” are not fun.

Several times, I was tempted to lament this inconvenience. But then I remembered a letter I had received a few weeks previously. That letter reminded me that having no gas was just that – an inconvenience, not a tragedy.

In the letter, Paul Copan, an internationally renowned apologetics author and speaker, shared the plight of a South Asian church in a heavily Muslim desert area. Only 1-2% of the local population is Christian, and they suffer significant persecution. One lady in particular – Eshaal – has experienced tremendous hardship: witnessing murders, gang rape, extortion, bribery, and other horrors. Eshaal’s family and another family are the core of a poor but thriving church that, among other things, is addressing the dire needs of orphans, widows and others trapped in economic or sexual slavery.

Paul requested funds for some core necessities: a refrigerator and a generator to power it, fans to combat the oppressive heat, and such basics as food and fuel. Additionally, the church hopes to improve its kitchen space and secure a bicycle rickshaw to further its grassroots ministry.

After I recalled Paul’s letter, I had two reactions to losing our natural gas. The first was to quash the temptation to complain. OK, so we can’t use our stove or take a shower. Boo hoo! Between our microwave, outdoor grill and hotplate, neither Annette nor I have lost any weight. And the gym showers are working just fine.

The second reaction was feeling led to provide at least a small level of support for these dear people. In the weeks before I got this letter, I had been reading the Gospel of Luke. Two of Jesus’ parables, in particular, are convicting:

• The one about the rich fool who had so much abundance that he couldn’t contain it all so tore down his barns only to be called a fool by God because of his misplaced priorities (Luke12:16-21)

• ·The one describing the rich man who ignored the needs of the destitute Lazarus and ended up in Hades (Luke 16:19-31)

These stories show that Jesus wants us to use our resources wisely and compassionately. And his warning in Luke 11:42 about “being religious” by tithing even the smallest level of spices but ignoring the truly important things is chilling.

Beyond our regular giving budget category, we have ample discretionary funds. In addition to sending some of our tithe, I felt led to take money from my “allowance” account to help this struggling church. I assure you I will not miss that money in the least. This gesture was far from sacrificial.

I don’t share this story to either congratulate myself for my “generosity” nor to guilt anyone into giving more. Rather, I hope it’s a reminder to me and others – in light of God’s incredible generosity and blessings – to take minor setbacks in stride. Additionally, I hope we all consider how God wants us to use the abundance he has provided to assist some of the vast majority of the world that is far less fortunate than we are.  

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• How easily do you lose your equilibrium when you face a significant inconvenience? Do act like you really believe that God is in control?

• How generous a person do you consider yourself to be?

• Do you see giving as an obligation or a privilege? Can you think of some ways to make your giving more of a joyful part of your life?

(Jesus, in describing the destitute widow who gave two tiny coins), “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. For all these people have put in gifts out of their surplus, but she out of her poverty has put in all she had to live on.” 

Luke 21:3-4 (CSV)

Another Idea for Adding Texture to Your Prayer Life

Most Christians struggle with prayer. I’ve never talked to anyone who feels that they pray as much or as effectively as they’d like. Since I’m clearly in that group, I always appreciate getting new insights on how to make my prayer life more robust.

A few months ago, I wrote an article suggesting one way to add some new dimensions to your prayer life. Many of us pray for certain people – usually family members and a few close friends – every day.  I suggested segmenting your prayers for those people as follows:

• Day 1 - That God would speak to them and they would be listening

• Day 2 - For your sense of what their greatest need is

• Day 3 - For the important relationships in their lives

• Day 4 - For their health, employment and financial circumstances

This practice focuses my prayers on specific aspects of their lives and is something I enjoy doing.

Now I want to share another idea I recently stumbled on.

I’ve been a gym rat for about 30 years. Beyond hitting the weights at the gym 2x a week, I usually get 40 minutes of cardio in 4x a week, either cycling or running outdoors or, if indoors, using the stationary bike or elliptical.

Unlike some people, I’m able to read during the inside cardio activities. So I read for my first 30 minutes but leave the last 10 for prayer. Lately, I’ve started praying for people from various periods in my life: college friends, high school teachers, people at the various jobs I’ve had, old church friends, former neighbors, etc.

Of course, the people from our past are a mix of dear friends and others who may have caused us great grief. Despite the fact that I’ve lost track of most of these people, I can still thank God for the role they played in my life – even if they created problems – and ask him to continue blessing them and working in their circumstances and hearts. For those who were struggling during the time periods our lives overlapped, I can pray that their issues have improved or been resolved.

It’s amazing how quickly these 10 minutes of prayer pass. And sometimes, as more and more people come to mind, I have to devote multiple prayer times to the same group of friends. Besides the pleasure of recalling past relationships, it’s gratifying to know I can have an ongoing role in their lives, as indirect as it may be.

Plus, this practice helps beat the monotony of cardio exercise.

Why not give this a try? You may select a different setting for this type of prayer – doing it first thing in the morning, as you drive to work, while doing the dishes, etc. And you may spend a different length of time. Also, nothing says you can’t pray for the people currently in your life. It’s important to find a way that works for you.

If you implement this approach, let me know what you think!

Just What’s in That Box on the Top Shelf in Your Basement?

“How many power drills did this guy have?” I wondered. My Uncle Ben, who was in his 80s, had recently died and no one knew where his will was. His sister (my mom) asked me to fly up to his house on Long Island to see if I could find it. Uncle Ben was a bit eccentric: a life-long bachelor, a recluse, and somewhat of a hoarder. Hence the abundance of power drills. I ultimately found 24, ranging from a $19.99 Wal Mart special to several heavy-duty commercial-grade power drills.

Since I had no idea where his will was – or if he even had one – I literally had to open every drawer and search every box in his large house. I never did find a will, but in the process, I did learn more about Uncle Ben’s private life. Fortunately, there was nothing particularly shocking, but that potential was there. If he had had a stash of assault weapons, child pornography, drug paraphernalia, or subversive political writings, I would have found it.

How about you? Are you quietly harboring something tucked away in a “secret” place in the basement? If you were to die unexpectedly and a family member had to liquidate your belongings, would they be shocked by what they found?

Beyond the potential wreckage to your reputation among your family and friends, you must consider someone even more significant.

God says in Jeremiah 16:17, “My eyes are on all their ways; they are not hidden from me, nor is their sin concealed from my eyes.” And Jesus himself declares, “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops” (Luke 12:2-3).

That’s a sobering reality. However, beyond this bad news, there is also the good news that counteracts it.  God freely forgives when we acknowledge our sin and turn to him. Isaiah 55:7 promises, “Let the wicked forsake their ways… let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them… for he will freely pardon.”  And God promises in Hebrews 8:12, “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”

If you regularly read my blog posts, you know that I am upbeat about life and enjoy focusing on God’s grace, mercy and love. But I wrote an entire book describing how some people filter out the parts of the Bible they don’t like. A key part of the Bible’s message is that there are dire consequences for turning away from God. If we have any intellectual integrity, as much as we might want to, we can’t erase that part.

But he hasn’t left us to die in our sins. That’s why Jesus came to pay the penalty we deserve. If you haven’t come to the point of recognizing your need for forgiveness and committing your life to him, I urge you to do so. If you already know Jesus, let me remind you that he says, “Nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light” (Luke 8:17). If you’re a Christian, are you OK with how  you are living?

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•  Would you be humiliated if a family member or friend searched every drawer and box in your house or checked out your text feed?

• Does it bother you that God knows everything – both good and bad – about you?

• Are you encouraged by the fact that through Jesus, we have a clean slate and get to live a life that reflects God’s transforming love toward us and others?

He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve or repaid us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his faithful love toward those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:10-12

Being an Ambassador Two Times Over

Besides becoming a Christian during my sophomore year, the highlight of my college career at Syracuse University was my spring semester junior year studying in Madrid. I loved everything about the country: the people, the language, the culture, the history, and the food.

Halfway through our time there, a tour group organized by Syracuse University stopped in Madrid for two days. The students from our program were invited to an evening reception to welcome the guests and talk about our experiences in Spain. Two of the tourists were an SU graduate in her late 40s and her daughter who was attending another college in Upstate New York. Since we had such a delightful evening, I offered to show them around the city the next afternoon. They readily agreed, so the following day I became an ambassador of sorts.

An effective ambassador bridges both countries involved and must have a thorough knowledge of and love for both. Someone with only marginal knowledge of or who is lukewarm about one of the countries would make a pretty lousy ambassador. I obviously understood American culture, and since we had been in Spain for a couple of months, my knowledge of life there was pretty good.

The next afternoon as I showed my new friends some of Madrid’s highlights, I enthusiastically explained why I thought Spain is such a great country. One of our stops was El Parque de Buen Retiro, Madrid’s equivalent of New York’s Central Park. As we sipped our Cokes in the park’s an outdoor café, I had the chance to become an ambassador of another type.

I had become a Christian a year-and-a-half earlier and was eager to let as many people as possible know how great it is to know Jesus. We had a friendly chat, and I was able to clarify some of their misconceptions about what it means to be a Christian. They thought the main thing was trying to be a good person who does the right thing. I explained that although that’s important, it doesn’t deal with our separation from God caused by our own sin and that the only remedy is claiming the forgiveness Jesus offers through his death and resurrection. I’m not sure they entirely grasped the essence of the message, but they seemed to enjoy the conversation and thanked me for my hospitality.

The heart of Paul’s message in 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 is that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting our sins against us. This includes explaining that God has committed this message of reconciliation to us, his followers. Then comes this pivotal verse:

We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God – 2 Corinthians 5:20

My fun afternoon with those friendly ladies allowed me to be a double ambassador. I wanted them to catch both my love for Spain and my enthusiasm over the forgiveness of sin and the new life available only through Christ.

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• You obviously understand American culture. But how well do you grasp the principles of the Kingdom of God? What are you doing to grow in that knowledge?

• Have you ever – as Paul states in 2 Corinthians 5:20 – implored anyone to be reconciled to God? If so, how did it go? What steps can you take to become more motivated and better equipped to be a better ambassador.
  

. . . If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new is here.

2 Corinthians 5:17

How to Avoid Going Down in Flames

A few weeks ago, I was surprised to read the headline that read, “Author Philip Yancey Confesses Affair, Withdraws for Ministry.” He’s the best-selling author of such outstanding books as The Jesus I Never Knew and What’s So Amazing About Grace?, both of which were named Book of the Year in their respective years by the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association. Altogether his books have sold 15 million copies in English and have been translated into 40 languages. He’s one of my favorite authors and has written 25 books, 12 of which I own.

I was saddened to see the headline but got more dismayed as I read the entire article. My initial thought was that perhaps he had had a temporary lapse and made a one-time mistake. But, unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. It turns out he was involved in an eight-year relationship with a married woman. That was more than giving in in a moment of weakness. An eight-year affair doesn’t just happen.

The article didn’t identify the time period for his affair, but, no doubt, he was writing some of his tremendously insightful books while involved in this inappropriate relationship. How can that be?

A few weeks after the news broke, I happened upon a podcast from Brad Bright, son of Cru founder Bill Bright. During my nine years on Cru staff, I heard Bill Bright speak dozens of times and even briefly met him once or twice. He was a man of impeccable character who finished well. Brad was commenting on Yancey’s situation, and he offered an important insight from his dad’s life that sheds light on why some people crash and burn and others don’t.

In his podcast, Brad stated that his dad was able to end well because he began each day on his knees, recommitting his life to the Lord and dedicating the day’s activities to him.

Of course, I can’t look into Philip Yancey’s heart. Nor do I wish to judge him. But as I thought about Brad Bright’s podcast, I don’t see how Yancey could have started his days like Bill Bright did and carried on such a wrong relationship for so many years. A momentary lapse – while still wrong – is somewhat understandable, but not an eight-year affair.

About a year ago, I started beginning most days by praying through two awesome passages from Psalms:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

                Try me and know my thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me;

                And lead me in the everlasting way

Psalm 139:23-24

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

                Be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer

Psalm 19:14

It’s unlikely that Bill Bright used these exact same verses, but I’m sure the sentiment of his daily prayers paralleled David’s in these psalms. He finished well, no doubt because of his practice of reminding himself daily of whose he was and committing to honor him the best he could.

My heart breaks for Philip Yancey. He’s contributed so much to the body of Christ over the decades! I pray that God continues to minister to him and that he can experience the grace of God he so eloquently wrote about.

If you are not starting each day recommitting yourself to Jesus, I suggest you do so. And these two sets of verses from Psalms are a great place to start.

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• How do you react when you hear unfortunate news about a Christian leader suffering a moral lapse?

• What steps are you taking to reinforce your loyalty and commitment to Jesus?

“Search me, O God . . . “

Psalm 139:23

A Little Kiss from Jesus

In an earlier article, I described God’s 100% clearcut leading from my job at the Hospital Council of West Michigan to become Executive Vice President at Georgia Hospital Association (GHA). I firmly believe that as we make significant decisions under God’s leadership, we have no choice but to interpret every circumstance – even the awful ones –  that results from that decision as part of God’s will. About 18 months into my stint at GHA, I had the chance to see if I truly believed that.

My transition to GHA was very smooth – with one glaring exception. GHA already had a long-tenured Executive Vice President, a very talented and respected woman. When the GHA board decided to create a new EVP position, they wanted to recruit someone from the outside, and I ended up being that someone.

My friends on GHA staff later told me that from the moment the board announced the new EVP position, my colleague was clearly unhappy and they knew that anyone who stepped into that position would be in her crosshairs. Once again, I was that someone.

As I said, she was a gifted, respected leader. There were three types of people in her universe:

• Those, both inside and outside GHA, who recognized her talents and creativity and openly praised her

• Several people who reported to her and who lived in great fear because, underneath her Southern charm, she had a reputation for retribution against anyone who didn’t do exactly as she said

• ·Those within the organization – like me – who did not report to her and often had to protect our turf against her tendency to seek control of areas not directly under her

I tried to do my job while maintaining the peace, but since I had little experience navigating treacherous political waters, I made a few missteps. About 18 months after I arrived, things came to a head when the president hauled the two of us along with the HR VP into a hotel conference room for an all-day pow wow. He made it clear that the tension had better stop or someone wouldn’t be around too long. The clear implication was that, as the newbie, I would be the someone out the door.

In a previous post, I described the most difficult period of my life as I experienced a serious mismatch in my job which resulted in my overwhelming sense of failure. During that time, God used a little-known Promise Keepers song called “I Will Be With You” to sustain me. The chorus repeats the line “I will be with you” about a dozen times and promises that God will be with us until the end because that’s who he is. I must have listened to that song hundreds of times during that dark period.

One morning not long after the troubling meeting with the GHA president, I ended up leaving for work about ten minutes earlier that normal. When the car radio came on, incredibly the song “I Will Be With You” was playing. Mind you, this was a little-known song that almost no one ever heard of. Furthermore, this was the only time I ever heard it on the radio – either before or after that day. And the only reason I heard it at all is that I inexplicably left for work ten minutes early. I nearly teared up over this “coincidence.”

I call things like this “a little kiss from Jesus” – just a reminder that he hasn’t abandoned me and is always there.

My colleague and I reached an uneasy truce, but I always had to watch my back. We continued to work together for a total of 18 years until she retired. After she left, I hoped that a couple of years down the road, we would able to meet for lunch to try to repair our relationship. Unfortunately, that never happened.

About two years after she retired, she died unexpectedly. I thank God that my immediate reaction on hearing this was, rather than any sense of gladness, one of sadness. I take no credit for the fact that there was not even a tinge of happiness that she had passed. That was strictly God’s grace working in my heart.

There were two reasons I was sad. First, it’s always sad when someone dies. And secondly, I regretted that our reconciliation meeting would never happen. But since, as far as I know, she knew Jesus, we will have that opportunity in heaven.

I tell this story as a testimony of God’s kindness to me in a rough time by reminding me in a highly unusual way he is truly with me. He also graciously brought me to the point of regretting I couldn’t make peace with someone who had caused me untold grief over many years.

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• Have you ever had a similar experience where God unmistakably did something to encourage you when you were seriously troubled? How did that make you feel?

• How do you react when you learn that someone who has been the source of significant distress has suffered some kind of serious setback?

“I will never leave you or abandon you” – Hebrews 13:5 (CSB)

Wrightwood Flash Flood - Part 2

Last time I reported on the Christmas Eve flash flood that dumped tons of mud all over Wrightwood and completely took out a few dozen houses. In the midst of this tragedy, it was a joy watching people rally to help their neighbors. We were the recipients of almost 100 man-hours of assistance for which we are extremely grateful. Beyond this, Annette and I worked for about a week straight clearing the remaining mud, and we’re finally back to normal – minus all the plants in the garden.

In the five years since we bought our house, we’ve experienced:

• The 2020 Covid shutdown

• The 2022 Sheep Fire that forced our evacuation

• The 2023 blizzard that pummeled us with five feet of snow and trapped us for nine days

• Tropical Storm Hillary – also in 2023 – that took out the main road into town  

• The 2024 fire that came within 50 feet of our house and prompted another evacuation

• And now the 2025 Christmas Eve flash flood caused by 10+ inches of rain within 24 hours.

Oh, and then there was the small avalanche just up the mountain from our house, but thankfully it had little impact. And I can’t leave out the bear that regularly raids our neighbors’ trash cans, the rattlesnakes, the coyotes, at least one mountain lion, and the bobcat. Plus we experience power outages and loss of city water more often than we’d like. And did I mention that we are ½ mile away from the San Andreas Fault?

I guess we live a lot “closer to the land” than we did in suburban Atlanta.

A creative metal worker in town is making a fortune selling Christmas tree ornaments commemorating our many calamities.

Several of you have commented on the numerous challenges we’ve faced. Although no one has openly asked us, I suspect some of you wonder if we think we made a mistake moving here.

Absolutely not! We have no doubt that God led us here. I firmly believe that, if you commit an important decision to the Lord and make a prayerful, responsible decision, you have no choice but to interpret any and all subsequent events as part of God’s will.

There are five reasons why looking over your shoulder is a bad idea:

1. Second-guessing dishonors God – It shows you don’t really trust that he acted like a loving father and that he failed to lead you down the right road.

2. You are not at the end point – Even if you face negative circumstances today, the story may not be over. Things might look grim now, but they could improve or even do a complete 180 down the road

3. Second-guessing overlooks the “God Factor” – Even though we want important decisions to result in smooth sailing, God may be using the unfortunate developments to help you grow in new ways. Some of the most important lessons I’ve learned have surfaced from rough waters.

4. You are probably comparing your current situation against an idealized version of the alternatives – Things could have turned out as bad or even worse had you made a different decision.

5. Second-guessing is useless – You can’t unscramble an egg or un-ring a bell. Lamenting your decision will only distract you from picking up the pieces and moving forward.

We love living in Wrightwood with all the pluses and minuses. Do we regret our decision to move here? Not at all!

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• Do you truly believe that God will lead you to the right decision when you responsibly and prayerfully seek his will?

• Which of the five reasons for not second-guessing God are the most compelling to you?

• How hard is it for you to trust God when you face unforeseen calamities?

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging – Psalm 43:103 (NIV)

Special Edition: Wrightwood Flash Flood

After

You have undoubtedly heard of Wrightwood – but probably not for a good reason. The recent West Coast atmospheric river roared through our town on Christmas Eve, dumping over 10 inches of rain in 24 hours. Some important roads were washed out, and an estimated 25 to 50 houses were completely destroyed. Just on our street, three homes suffered significant interior mud and water damage.

The September 2024 wildfire that came within 50 feet of our house burnt most of the ground foliage on the mountain immediately behind us. When we heard of the coming storm, we were concerned about possible mud flow. As it turned out, that part of the mountain was fine, but the section further up the road was not. At the peak of the storm, it sent water and mud gushing through our back yard so forcefully that our concrete stairway completely disappeared under a river of water and mud.

Several neighbors learned of our plight and came to our rescue, bringing shovels and many sandbags. Water threatened to lap over the concrete foundation of the house into the lower level, but thanks to our friends we had only minor seepage. When it was all over, our backyard was caked with about three feet of mud, pushing up against the garage and completely burying our HVAC unit locked next to the garage.

Just as the rain was tapering off, we lost electricity. And then early Christmas morning, the household water went out. That was the last straw. The storm had forced us to delay our plans to spend Christmas Day with our daughter Stephanie’s family in Old Town Orange so we could monitor the situation. But with no power, no heat and no water, we decided to leave anyway.

When we returned a few days later, a team from our church, our son Andy, and some close friends showed up with a mini-backhoe, a standup mini-skid loader, wheelbarrows, and shovels and spent the whole day digging out the backyard. I don’t know what we would have done without them!

Years ago, I remember reading a magazine article written by a Christian college girl whose family’s house had burned to the ground a few years earlier. Some well-meaning friends, when they learned of their calamity, drove by their burned ruin and told them, “If you need help, just let us know.”

“Just let them know if we need help!?” the girl wrote. “Just let them know!? Of course we needed help! We had no house, no clothes, no furniture, and essentially nothing.” In the midst of the aftermath of the house fire, the last thing they needed was having to initiate a call for help.

Some other people, she noted, jumped right in, bringing food, clothing and other necessities and helped them pick up the pieces by assisting them in charting a path forward. They exhibited true, practical compassion. Of course, you can't solve everyone's problems, but you can make a difference in some people's lives.

Over the years, I have often thought about that article, and I try to do what those truly helpful people did. My instinct is to “run into the burning building” and embrace people going through serious personal, relational, family, employment, medical, or other problems.

Our friends who showed up certainly demonstrated much-appreciated engagement. So we’re thankful that we suffered no catastrophic damage, but beyond that, we’re very thankful for the practical outpouring of love from some dear friends.

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• Have you ever suffered a tragic situation and had friends jump to your rescue? If so, what impact did that have on your attitude toward helping others in need?

• How can you balance stepping up to help others in need with your other legitimate priorities? (This is not intended to be a guilt-inducing question.)

“I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you took care of me; I was in prison and you visited me.     . . . Truly a tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” 

Matthew 25:35-36, 40 – CSB

Bible-Reading Atheists and Some Christians Have This in Common

Jim’s a friendly, outgoing self-described atheist I know from the gym. “I don’t believe the Bible. And I don’t believe in unicorns either,” he told me. When he declared that the Bible is full of contradictions, I suggested we get together for breakfast so he could give me some examples.

As we enjoyed our breakfast burritos at a local hangout, he showed me a meme from one of the atheist Face Book groups he follows. “Here,” he said. “Look at this.” In Matthew 28:19 Jesus tells his followers to go and make disciples of all nations and baptize them, yet in 1 Corinthians 1:17. Paul says, ‘Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel.’ That’s a clear contradiction.”

That was such a simplistic example of an alleged problem that I had to hold myself back from chuckling. I gently explained that the context of those two verses couldn’t be more different. The Matthew verse was given to his disciples at the very end of Jesus’ time on earth as he is setting the pattern for his followers through the ages to come. Baptism is to be a hallmark of the church. Does this mean that any Christian who fails to baptize others is violating Jesus’ command? I hope not. I’ve never baptized anyone.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul is helping a particular troubled church at risk of splintering at it struggles with a specific theological controversy. Some of its members are identifying more with particular church leaders than they are with Jesus. Some favor Paul; others prefer Apollos; still others like Cephas the best.

Paul reminds them he wasn’t crucified for them and that they weren’t baptized in Paul’s name. He then states that he is glad he didn’t baptize many of them because his principal calling was preaching the gospel, not baptizing.

Jim’s meme takes the words from Matthew 28:19 and 1 Corinthians 1:17 in a completely wooden way. It erroneously concludes that since Paul was a follower of Jesus, he was personally under Jesus’ mandate to baptize. Since he states that God didn’t call him to baptize, 1 Corinthians 1:17 directly contradicts Matthew 28:19. Voila! Instant inconsistency.

The writer of the meme’s mistake was treating the Bible as a totally “flat text.” All words and all applications should be taken to mean exactly the same way wherever they appear regardless of context. There is no nuance of interpretation. Never mind that the audiences and the circumstances for these verses were completely different.

You may be surprised that I say that these atheists and some Christians do the same thing. We can treat the Bible as if it were a magic book. If I can find a sentence I like, I can claim it as a promise from God. Never mind that I might be completely misunderstanding or misapplying it.

There are many examples, but probably the most abused verse in this regard is Jeremiah 29:11:  “I know the plans I have for you, . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” How many mugs, pens and plaques displaying this verse are sold every May during graduation season?

As theologian Walter Kaiser would say, “Great concept. Wrong verse.” Certainly, God loves us and blesses us in many ways. And if we let him, he will generally bring prosperity into our lives. That prosperity can take many forms:  spiritual vitality, life-affirming relationships, and (sometimes) even career or financial success.

The problem is that in its historical context, Jeremiah 29:11 has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. It is God’s message through Jeremiah to the people of Judah who were exiled in Babylon because of their collective sin. After 70 years in captivity, God will restore them and once again prosper them as a nation but (according to verses 12 and 13) only if the people repent of their sin and seek God with their whole hearts.

Consider this. Virtually every one of the people who heard those words from Jeremiah died before they were fulfilled, so there is no way this was a promise any individual today can “claim” about their next endeavor.

So don’t get caught in the same trap that the atheist meme writer fell into. Continue to recognize the Bible as God’s inspired, inerrant, infallible word to us, but make sure you understand what a passage means in its linguistic historical and cultural context before you try to apply it.

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• What steps can you take to make sure you don’t make the mistake of ignoring context or the writer’s original intent?

• Do you think it in any way undercuts the Bible’s authority to realize that some popular interpretations or applications may be flawed?

Do your best to present yourself to God as one . . . who correctly handles the word of truth.

2 Timiothy 2:15 (NIV)

Three Ways to Change – Which Is Best?

“Tom, you are Christian now. You need to stop drinking, smoking pot and smoking cigarettes.” That’s what a well-meaning person told my good friend Tom Jeannett a few weeks after Tom came to faith in Christ. Confused, Tom went to Jim, the guy who had initially shared the gospel with him, and said, “I thought you told me it was a free gift, and now this guy is telling me what I can and can’t do. That’s pretty much what I came out of. If this is what it means to be a Christian, I’m not sure I’m interested.”

Wisely, Jim said, “Tom, you have a personal relationship with the Lord now. Why don’t you just talk to him about this and ask him to show you if it’s something he wants you to change.” Tom thought that was reasonable, so he agreed to that plan. Here’s how he describes the results:

After seven months, God brought me to the point of seeing that continuing to do all those things after experiencing the blessing of having a growing, personal relationship with Jesus was like settling for hamburger when the Lord was offering filet mignon. On May 2 of that year, I quit drugs and cigarettes and getting drunk.

And he never looked back. I have known Tom for many years, and the transformation in his life is astounding. He is one of the most godly and pure-hearted people I know.

The original advice Tom got reflects the “admonition method” where someone (correctly) points to a biblical standard and urges the other person to change their behavior. There is certainly a place for that, and we should never ignore the Bible’s behavioral expectations.

A second approach is where a person decides on their own to change their habits through discipline and determination. I’m all for intentional self-improvement, and we should pursue this as well. 

Please understand, I am not dismissing either of these approaches. You should always be open to heeding instructions from others or entering a discipline that improves your life. However, the most profound changes occur when God burns a new conviction into your heart.

One event from my early days as a Christian parallels Tom’s experience. I trusted Christ my second year of college. Before that point, my language frequently included words – many of which had four letters – that you never hear from the pulpit on Sunday mornings. I also referenced Jesus frequently, but not in prayer – if you know what I mean.

One day about a year into my Christian life, I was having a friendly argument with a guy from my dorm floor. I headed toward the elevator to go to dinner and he said something stupid. As I stepped into the empty elevator, I turned around to respond and yelled out, “What in the world are you talking about?!? Jesus Christ!!”

At that moment, as the elevator doors closed, the Holy Spirit pierced my heart, showing me that my use of Jesus’ name like that was totally inappropriate and instantly become repulsive. And I never, ever, ever did that again.

So, there are three ways to pursue change:

• Respond to someone’s admonitions

• Embark on a self-improvement plan

• Ask God to reveal areas of sin and change your heart

Although all three are valid, the most profound and long-lasting is the last one. Even though you can’t manufacture or force this type of change – God has to be the one to do it – you can regularly remind God (and yourself) of your desire to have him transform your heart.

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• How do react when another Christian calls attention to one of your flaws? How does your reaction inform how you approach someone else to point out a lacking in their lives?

• What is the balance between self-improvement and letting God revolutionize a particular part of your life?

• Have you ever had an experience like my friend Tom’s transformation or my “elevator realization”?

        Search me, God, and know my heart;

             Test me and know my concerns..

        See if there is any offensive way in me;

              lead me in the  everlasting way.

Psalm 139:23-24 (CSB)

How Specific Do Your Prayers Need to Be to “Count”?

In a previous post, I mentioned a prayer practice I started about a year ago. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble getting back to sleep. A few years ago, I heard of a woman who, when faced with this situation, prays through her acquaintances “alphabetically.” She starts with someone with either a first or last name beginning with the letter “A,” goes on to a “B” name, and so on.

Rather than toss and turn with all kinds of thoughts, ideas or worries going through my head, I have adopted this practice. I will often make it through “Z” and still be awake, but sometimes I fall asleep “mid-stream.” Turns out that my “early in the alphabet” contacts get more attention than my “X, Y and Z” friend do.

When I first started doing this, I offered somewhat detailed prayers for each person based on my knowledge of their situations. However, the more my brain kicked in, the more awake I became, and I almost never got back to sleep. So now, I typically just mention someone’s name and then move on.

I wanted to get your thoughts on how “effective” this type of prayer is. Of course, it’s great to pray detailed and specific prayers for others. Author Stormie Omartian has written a series of excellent books promoting the power of praying husbands, wives, parents, grandparents, etc. Each book runs about 200 pages and suggests very detailed prayers about every aspect of life:  spiritual state, physical health, family relationships, friendship choices, and other areas. These wonderfully specific prayers guide the reader through prayers about details they may not have thought of.

A scene in the 2019 movie A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood – where Tom Hanks portrays Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) – represents the other end of the spectrum. It shows Mr. Rogers praying through a lengthy list of people, merely mentioning their names. His prayers cover dozens or even hundreds of people but are paper-thin. So are my middle-of-the-night prayers.

Being a typical American Christian, I wonder about the “value” of various types of prayers. Do my tiny prayers “do any good”? Are detailed prayers more “effective” than simpler ones?

I think we subconsciously adopt a mindset that assumes the more “prayer minutes” you rack up, the more likely the answer. Sometimes we implicitly operate with an unspoken equation based on:

The number of people praying

            x

The number of times they pray

                        x

            How long they pray

The higher the total number of minutes prayed, the better. And you get bonus points if the prayers are especially “fervent.”

Of course, I wouldn’t be so crass as to “demand” that God be bound by this formula, but I often unintentionally operate under the above assumption.

However, at its heart, prayer is a reflection of a RELATIONSHIP, not a formula to get a reluctant God to bend to your will. Jesus says it’s unthinkable that a father would give his child a scorpion if they asked for an egg. How much more is your relationship with God defined by his unfathomable love? Rather than being an indifferent being who must be coerced into answering your prayers, he is your loving father who invites you to bring any and every concern to him. There is no such thing as a “useless” prayer, and we should ditch the concept of evaluating which “prayer methods” are most likely to “yield results.” The highest purpose of prayer is NOT to convince God to do what you want. Rather, it’s to strengthen your relationship with God and reinforce your dependence on him for everything. So despite their “effectiveness” or relative lack thereof, I think my middle-of-the-night prayers for my friends please God.  

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

My Most Stresful Bike Ride Ever

Two weeks ago, Annette hosted a ladies’ book club meeting. Because I was invited to not be home, I decided to go cycling on the nearby Pacific Electric Trail.

All went well until I was about eight miles out when I noticed a distinct, rhythmic “thumping” sound. I got off the bike and discovered that the rear tire was fairly soft. Changing a rear innertube is a huge pain because of the serpentine route the chain follows around the derailleur and the various gears. Once the wheel is off, you’re out of luck if you can’t put everything back together.

Since the tire was just soft and not entirely flat, I decided to try to pump it up enough to limp back. Unfortunately, the thumping returned within a half mile, so I stopped to fill the tire again. When the thumping returned for the third time, I decided I either had to try to change the tube (a thought I didn’t relish), ride on the flat (which would shred the outer tube), or walk the seven miles back (destroying the metal cleats clamped to my cycling shoes).

With a gulp, I decided to attempt the repair knowing I would be in a real mess if I failed. I prayed  for wisdom as I started. Within minutes, I regretted that I had just lubed my chain before the ride. Greasy hands and a white cycling jersey don’t mix too well.

After a few false starts and many appeals to God, I succeed in putting everything back together. As I rode off toward my car, I thanked God for granting my request. Then I remembered to check that I had my phone, wallet and all my tools.

To my horror, I discovered my wallet wasn’t in my rear jersey packet. I panicked! I had three credit cards, my ATM card, my driver’s license, my health insurance card and about $80 in the wallet. If it was lost, I would have to replace all of those – a monumental task – and notify the dozen companies being auto-paid using one of the credit cards.

I decided to retrace my steps in case the wallet had fallen out of my back jersey pocket as I stopped to pump up the tire or replace the innertube. But nothing.

Then I started to pray that perhaps a kind soul would find my wallet and use my business card to contact me and return it. Then I prayed that maybe the wallet had fallen out of my jersey next to the car before I left and that I would find it there.

I thanked God that he answered my prayers about fixing the tire but then resigned myself to the fact that I would probably have to face major hassles to replace everything in my wallet. Just then, I thought of what Job told his wife when, after she saw his misery told him he should just curse God and die. Job said she was speaking like a foolish woman, adding, “Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?” (Job 2:10). Could I praise God for answering my prayer about the tire but not the lost wallet?

And THEN, I had a completely different thought. I remembered that I had NOT put my wallet in my jersey pocket after all but instead had zipped it up into the back pocket of my Camelbak hydration backpack, something I had never done before. So the wallet was safe and sound!

I thanked God for his grace in letting me avoid having to replace everything. But I was more thankful that he led me to the point of being willing to accept a bad outcome without resentment. I think the only reason I was able to do that is that Jesus has shown himself to be faithful over and over in negative and even tragic situations.

So it was a tough ride:  a flat tire, anxiety over a possible lost wallet, and (because of those problems) a delated finish until early afternoon when the temperature was 104 degrees. Not my favorite ride, but one that reinforced an important lesson.

How about you? Are you able to accept both good and trouble from God?

Restoration

Last Sunday, Annette and I visited the Automotive Heritage Museum in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Located in what was the last operating Hudson automobile dealership in the world, this great little museum showcases several dozen beautifully restored cars dating from the 1920s through the 1970s. Despite the decades of – in some cases – very hard use, the dents, scars, dings, and faded paint have all been reversed, and the cars have been brought back to factory-perfect conditions. They are now worth many times their original sticker prices.

I recently saw an ad in Hemings Automotive News – a publication specializing in used vintage care – offering a perfectly restored 1959 Chevrolet Impala. Although it originally sold for about $2,900, the 2025 asking price was $125,000. The highest reported auction sale price for a restored 1959 Impala was $368,500. That’s more than 11 times its original sticker price, once inflation is factored in. Restored cars can be incredibly valuable!

So can other things that have been restored.

The reason Annette aand I (and both our kids) were in Michigan was for the funeral of my 96-year-old mother-in-law, Helene Bleecker who died on July 10. The minister who conducted the service referenced Psalm 23. You know, “The Lord is my shepherd.” This psalm consists of 15 phrases, a few of which the pastor highlighted.

One phrase that caught my ear was, “He restores my soul.” Helene’s last months were filled with pain, disorientation, and confusion. As a strong believer in Jesus, she is now with him in heaven. Her body is fully restored. Her relationships with those who have gone before her are fully restored. And – most importantly – her soul is now fully restored. All the limitations and faults of people who know Jesus dissolve when they enter his presence.

So Helene has received the ultimate restoration.

But a careful reading of the psalms reveals another aspect of restoration. David says the Lord “restores my soul” – a present tense verb that implies a “here-and-now” process which is a down-payment on the ultimate restoration to come.

God created each of us out of his love for us, and he wants us to love him back. Unfortunately, each of us is marred by sin – our own and that of others – so we are twisted versions of what God originally intended. When we recognize our perversion and our need to receive forgiveness from Jesus, he begins our transformation. If we let him, he continues the process throughout the rest of our times on earth and brings it to completion when we stand before him in heaven.

In 1 Corinthians 15:42-44, Paul draws parallels between our earthly bodies – which are sown as perishable, in dishonor, in weakness, and as natural – and what they will be when they are raised as imperishable, in glory, in power, and as spiritual bodies. That’s what Helene is experiencing right now.

So last weekend, we got to see two examples of restoration: that of many classic automobiles, and – more importantly – that of my dear mother-in-law. Just as no one would have imagined that a fully restored 1959 Impala would be worth many times more than its original price 66 years later, it’s hard for us to comprehend what a perfectly restored person standing in God’s presence will be like. But I’m glad I will experience that one day! And I hope you will too.

Andy, Glenn, Annette and Stephanie at Dover Township Cemetery

Hell? . . . Really?

These days many think the idea of hell should have disappeared with believing in dragons and burning witches at the stake. And some who focus on the love of God question whether a loving God would condemn anyone to hell – if hell even exists. Well, some of these people are willing to concede that the Hitlers and mass murderers of the world have earned their place in the flames, but almost everyone else deserves to go to heaven.

Even many people who don’t consider themselves Christian regard Jesus as a great teacher, role model and spiritual leader. Since Jesus is so influential, let’s look at what he taught about hell. 

Jesus told 40 parables, many of which are “happy:”

• A shepherd finding a lost sheep – Luke 15:3-7

• A woman rejoicing over finding a lost coin – Luke 15:8-10

• A widow who convinces a judge to give her justice because of her persistence – Luke 18:2-8

However, by my count, about half his parables involve judgment where things end poorly for some:

• Sheep that are blessed and goats that are condemned to eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels – Matthew 22:31-46

• A narrow gate that leads to life and a wide road that leads to destruction – Matthew 7:13-14

• An inappropriately dressed wedding guest who is bound hand and foot and thrown into outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth – Matthew 22:2-14

So Jesus clearly taught that some will experience blessings and others will be frightfully condemned. Beyond offering parables that taught this, he sometimes went out of his way to introduce the topic of hell into totally unrelated conversations.

On one occasion when a Roman centurion asked Jesus to heal his servant, Jesus was surprised that the centurion’s faith was so robust that he recognized that Jesus could heal without even being physically present. After healing the servant remotely, Jesus remarked,

Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Isreal with such great faith. I say to you that many will come from the east and west, and will take their place at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the subjects of the kingdom, will be thrown outside, into the darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth – Matthew 8:10-12

Nothing about the centurion’s request remotely touched on the topic or hell, yet Jesus – without prompting –injected it into this conversation.

You can’t deny that the Bible records these and many other times where Jesus taught about hell and God’s judgment. Logically, here are the only conclusions you can come to about this indisputable fact:

• Jesus didn’t really say these things but, instead, the Gospel writers put words in his mouth – But this would have involved an impossibly complex conspiracy to systematically inject this topic into dozens of otherwise-unrelated parts of Jesus’ ministry as recorded in all four Gospels, Not a single copy of the ancient New Testament manuscripts supports this idea.

• ·esus really didn’t believe in hell but was willing to accommodate the backwards beliefs of his listeners – However, that would severely undermine his credibility and authority as a teacher. If he said things he didn’t really believe, why should you trust anything he said?

• Jesus was wrong. There is no hell – I don’t recommend embracing this view.

• Jesus truly believed in hell’s reality.

In my book That’s a Great Question:  What to Say When Your Faith Is Challenged I describe what I call the Filter of Selective Christian Theology, where people embrace Jesus’ “nice” sayings like loving your neighbor and turning the other check but reject his clear teachings about God’s judgment and hell. They do this primarily because they already know what they want to believe and filter out the parts they don’t like.

One more thing:  John 3:16 is arguably the most famous verse in the Bible:  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

That’s a lovely, reassuring verse. But let’s keep reading. John 3:17-18 says. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned but whoever does not believe stands condemned already. . . .”

The evidence is pretty conclusive. Jesus believed in and actively taught about hell. Ignoring his teaching on this subject is perilous. There is only one way to avoid condemnation and spend eternity with Jesus in heaven. That is to acknowledge your sin and inability to live up to God’s standards, recognize that the only remedy is Jesus’ death and resurrection where he took your penalty, and commit yourself to following him. I truly hope you have done this.

How Playing this James Brown Song Reminded Me of the Christian Life

Among the cool things about our little mountain town is the Wrightwood Blues Society. At a recent open mic event, I was with the band onstage when a female vocalist asked if she could to come up and  sing soul artist James Brown’s famous song “I Feel Good” – you know, “I feel good (bah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah) I knew that I would (bah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah).” Although I know the song well, I had never played it. Did I really want risk public humiliation by attempting an unrehearsed number?

I don’t want to geek out too much on how harmonicas are set up, but I have to explain what a quirky instrument it is. There are twelve notes in the chromatic scale, but the lower octave of the small harps I play only have 5 of the twelve. That creates a real challenge when attempting a new song. Given how many notes a harmonica DOESN’T have, some songs with lots of “accidental notes” (the black keys on a piano) typically require careful planning and trial and error to play on harmonica. I don’t recommend doing that live onstage.   

Fortunately, “I Feel Good” is pretty straight-forward and I instinctively knew it would work. Everything fell into place, and our rendition was a hit.

My confidence in moving forward required three things:

• Willingness to respond to a spontaneous opportunity, even in light of possible high-profile failure

• Enough familiarity with the material – that is, that particular song – to know if it would fit

• Enough “muscle memory” concerning the instrument to pull it off

As I later thought about that event I saw interesting parallels with the Christian life. As much as we like predictability, life has a way of bringing new circumstance – some positive and some negative – our way. Just like I had to decide whether to try a new song in a potentially risky situation, we regularly face circumstances which force to us to decide if we will step out and trust God or back away.

If you are serious about your faith, you will regularly study God’s instructions to us that as revealed in the Bible and through mature Christians. As you “spiritual muscle memory” develops, you will instinctively know certain things – cheating on your spouse, lying to your boss, ignoring a friend’s needs, hoarding your money, gossiping, and many other things – are wrong. You don’t have to think or pray about them, but you will instead have deep convictions about what the right thing to do is.

So here are some takeaways:

• Acknowledge that every one of us has a dark side. No lesser person than Jesus himself said that from the human heart come sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly (Mark 7:20-23). Never forget that.

• But recognize that if you have gone to Jesus to have your sins forgiven, you are a new person (2 Corinthians 5:18) and have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). This is not to say you are infallible, but as you continue in a faithful relationship with Jesus, your muscle memory concerning right and wrong will grow.  

We use the phrase “second nature” to describe practices that are so ingrained that they are practically automatic. Second Nature Productions in the name of my little music and writing ministry. Beyond its reference to the fact through the new birth we have a new (or second) nature, it also alludes to our continued transformation so that our godly responses become “second nature.” My playing “I Feel Good” was second nature. You desire to act in ways that please God should progressively become second nature to you.

None of this is to say you don’t have to pray for God’s wisdom in your daily circumstances, but as you increasingly respond to God’s leading and new opportunities, I hope you can instinctively say, “I feel good” about where I am with the Lord and where he is leading me.

I'm Glad I Didn't Let My 18-Year-Old Self Determine My Future

The September after I graduated high school, I packed up the VW bug and headed to Syracuse University with high hopes and only a vague idea of what I would do for the rest of my life. Because, as a high school senior, I did an independent study project trying to replicate laboratory creation of polystyrene, I slid into a chemistry major without giving it much thought.

Because my freshman year of college saw major campus protests, midway through the spring semester, I began to seriously question the relevance of my chemistry major. In light of larger social issues, I didn’t really think spending the rest of my life studying certain subatomic particles that could only be detected by an electron microscope would be that fulfilling. Who cares?

So I did a hard right turn and became an English Education major. Then a few months later I entered into a life-changing relationship with Jesus. Although I stuck with the English major, instead of becoming a teacher after graduation, I joined the staff of Cru, a Christian outreach organization.

I had three wildly different jobs over my nine-year tenure at Cru: 

• 2 years working with college students in New York and New Jersey

• 5 years directing various internationally traveling bands

• 2 years serving in the international personnel office in the main headquarters

During our last two years on staff, my wife and I carefully evaluated long-term career objectives. I tentatively decided to go to seminary and ultimately become a church pastor. For various reasons, I decided instead on a profession in healthcare executive leadership and spent the rest of my career there.

By my count, including my three different roles within Cru, I made seven vastly dissimilar career decisions. If my choice as an 18-year-old would-be chemistry major was irreversible, my life would have been much different and ultimately, I believe, far less fulfilling. 

Why am I telling you this?

We live in a time when some voices in our society are giving their blessing to 12-year-olds who might have ambivalence about their gender identity to undergo radically life-changing and irreversible surgery and/or hormone therapy to switch genders. I even saw a TV spot about an eight-year-old boy being encouraged by his parents to adopt a gender identity that contradicts his biological reality.

Allowing adolescents to physically transition their sexual identity is horrifying on three levels:

First of all, to my knowledge, there has never been a society in the history of the world that has believed that a man can become a woman or a woman become a man. This goes against every aspect of human history and natural science. Is our generation truly wiser than every other civilization that preceded ours?

Secondly, in a few cases, school officials encourage students to “explore” gender identity alternatives without informing their parents. If a student can’t even go on a field trip without a permission slip from a parent or guardian, how can some outside authority start a child down a path that could ultimately lead them to make permanent, life-altering decisions? 

Finally, with no disrespect to adolescents, how could they possibly make a clear-headed decision about something so fundamental as whether they will spend the rest of their lives as a man or a woman? Middle school teachers will tell you that students who display gender confusion at that age often settle into their true biological gender a year or two later. And of course, every person should be treated with respect as someone created in God’s image.

Because society recognizes the relative immaturity of 12-year-olds, here are some things that, for their own protection and society’s good, they are not permitted to do:

• Vote

• Serve on a jury

• Join the military

• Get married

• Enter a legal contract

• Get a driver’s license

• Buy an R-rated movie ticket

• Drink alcohol

• Buy cigarettes

Yet some in our society encourage their “right” to make a drastic decision to make changes to their bodies that can never be fully reversed.

If I, as an 18-year-old, made an initial career choice I subsequently changed six times, what sense does it make to allow an early adolescent to start down the unalterable path of drastic body change?

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“ . . . (w)hoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away – it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses. For offenses will inevitably come, but woe to that person by whom the offenses come.”

Matthew 18:6-7 (CSB)

"You Are So Inhibited!"

It was a party at a friend’s house during my senior year of college. The hostess, a friend of several years, invited me to try out her new beanbag chair. I had never seen one before, and to me it just looked like a lumpy black vinyl blob on the floor. Since I was unaware that the “proper” way to enjoy a beanbag chair is to plop into it and wiggle your way to a comfortable “nest,” I just awkwardly lowered myself and sat motionless, hoping that approach would minimize my looking foolish.

I was wrong.

That’s when my friend blurted out, “You are so inhibited!” Although she was right, her comment did little to help me feel less self-conscious. In fact, it did just the opposite. Now everyone in the room knew my friend considered me uptight.

I remember reading about a parallel awkward situation where a seasoned Christian named Dave was discipling Jake, who had just come to faith a few weeks before. Apparently, Jake was the sensitive, artistic type and didn’t fit the “macho man” image. Dave suspected that he might have some deep issues, and in an attempt to help his personal growth, he asked, “How long have you had homosexual feelings?”

As well-meaning as it might have been, this question was insensitive, unwise and counterproductive. Since Jake had not mentioned anything about that area of his life, this question must have sent him into a tailspin. I’m sure he wondered, “What signals am I sending that would make someone suspect I’m gay?”

The common thread in both these situations is a lack of someone stepping into the other person’s shoes and recognizing how their words could be hurtful, even if, as in Dave’s case, spoken with the best of intentions. Calling out an insecure person’s inhibitions just makes the person more insecure.

Did my beanbag chair friend think I would react to her observation by saying, “Thanks for pointing that out. I promise to be less inhibited moving forward”? Her words came from her unfiltered exasperation. And since she meant no harm, although her comment did make me feel embarrassed, I knew she meant no harm.

Or did Dave expect Jake to say, “You know, even though I’ve never told anyone, you’re right about me being gay. From now on, I won’t have those feelings anymore”?

Dave’s first mistake was not realizing he hadn’t earned the right to ask such a personal question that early in their relationship. Secondly, he could have misread the situation and assumed something that might not be true. Finally, his question was far too direct. If Jake was indeed struggling with homosexuality, at some down the road – once a trust relationship had been established – Dave could have brought up the topic in the context of him sharing some of his own personal struggles.  

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that asking a low-key question is far better than making a bold statement or asking a question – like Dave’s – that is both presumptuous and possibly based on a faulty notion. Gentle questions can provide additional information that can correct some of your assumptions and also smooth the pathway to important conversations.

Everyone desires solid connections with others. Done the right way, getting involved in someone’s life can be life-changing for them and deeply fulfilling for you. Treating the other person respectfully and considerately is the key.

I urge you to seek ways to appropriately enter other people’s lives, approaching them in ways that are likely to have them listen to you.  It’s worth the effort!

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“A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is” – Proverbs 16:21 (Good News Translation)

• Do you sometimes shy away from pointing out a weakness in someone else because you’re afraid you’ll hurt their feelings? How do you strike a balance between saying too little or too much?  

•  How do you feel when someone points out one of your flaws? How can understanding your own reactions shape how you approach others when you try to give them input?

Follow-Up: I’m Glad I Didn’t Ask for Prayer

My last post ended with a cliffhanger. I reported that, during a recent pre-service worship team huddle, I decided against asking for prayer that three guys from the gym would come to church that day. Too much of my motivation for mentioning that would have been grandstanding before the pastor and the others. If y ou missed that post, you can scroll down to read it.

In the article, I didn’t reveal whether or not the gym guys came, and several of you asked if they did. They did not.

Of course, I was disappointed but not particularly upset. We have developed friendships over the last few months, and I will continue to chat with them at the gym and/or over breakfast, so this was not a “make or break” invitation.

Sometimes we place too much importance on a particular ministry opportunity as if it’s game over if things don’t turn out as we hoped. We forget that God often woos people over time.

In the September/October 2024 issue of Christianity Today magazine, Linda Holifield shares how she came to know Christ. Raised in a black-and-white, fundamentalist Christian background, she drifted away and ultimately renounced her faith, primarily because she never got answers to her honest questions. However, through ongoing involvement with a “non-anxious and faithfully Christian friend” (as she calls her), Linda started on the journey back to faith and eventually established a life-changing relationship with Jesus. She concludes her story like this:

If God can pursue me over decades, patiently meet me in moments of seeming godlessness, and ultimately resurrect my heart . . . , then I can trust him to be alive in the spiritual journeys of others who seem far off from him. . . . My story screams of God’s long-game redemptive work that was out of sight for so long. (Click this link to read her full story: My Deconstruction Turned to Deconversion. But God Wasn’t Anxious. - Christianity Today)

So, no, the fact that my fellow gym rats didn’t show up is not the end of the story. Although it’s an honor to be part of helping someone come to faith (and something we should all be engaged with) the other person’s eternal destiny does not depend on me. As Jesus said, even the rocks cry out the truth (Luke 19:40).

Of course, we are told to join with others in prayer (Matthew 18:19). However, you can misunderstand this admonition and assume your request might only be answered if you reach a “tipping point” concerning three aspects of prayer: 

• Praying frequently enough

• Getting enough others to agree with you in prayer

• Demonstrating your sincerity through enough emotional intensity

You can subconsciously imagine – almost superstitiously – there’s a mathematical “formula” that ups the chance of God answering your prayers. If you don’t get your desired results, you could erroneously conclude it’s because you didn’t rack up enough “total prayer minutes” or weren’t fervent enough. But remember, God responds to your requests based on his wisdom and love, not because you met some vague threshold that shows you’re serious.

So, I will continue to have friendly conversations with the gym guys. Maybe they will come to church one day. Maybe they won’t. But getting them to walk into the building is not the issue. The real endgame is helping them strengthen their relationships with Jesus, and that can happen in any number of ways. If God chooses to use me to do that, that would be great. But he doesn’t need me.

One important concept I learned while on Cru staff is this:  Success in witnessing is sharing Jesus in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results to God. This principle of faithfully carrying out your duties and trusting God with the outcome applies to all ministry ventures. And this allows you to relax in God’s sovereignty and grace.

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Many are the plans in a person’s heart,

but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails

Proverbs 19:21

• How do you react when something you sincerely and earnestly prayed for doesn’t happen?

• What is the balance between defining a desired outcome and being able to trust God with the outcome?

I’m Glad I Didn’t Ask for Prayer

I play in our church’s praise team about every three weeks. Each Sunday right before the first service, church staff, the band and the production team huddle for final instructions and prayer. Typically, the pastor asks if anyone has a particular prayer need.

The last time I played happened to be the Sunday I was hoping three guys from the gym would show up. I had been meeting with them individually for a couple of months, and I used the fact that I was playing as a “sweetener” to coax them to come. When the pastor asked for requests, I considered bringing up these three guys.

However, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to back off. Why would I really be asking for prayer? Was it primarily so these guys would come and learn more about God. or was it more to impress the pastor and everyone else? How often does someone bring a new person to church? And here I was, possibly getting three new guys through the door on the same day! How cool is that? That should certainly earn me the “Spiritual Hero of the Week” award.

Thankfully, I kept my mouth shut and just continued praying by myself.

A primary theme in the Sermon on the Mount is that your attitude matters more than your actions. Even if you are doing good things, if your heart is wrong, you are not pleasing to God. Jesus says that anger comes from the same place in your heart as murder does. The same is true for lust and adultery. So even if you’re not a murderer or an adulterer, you are still sinning if your heart harbors the same underlying evil that could blossom into murder or adultery.

He goes on to warn against making a public show of prayer:

When you pray, you mustn’t be like the play-actors. They love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners, so that people will notice them. I’m telling you the truth:  they have received their reward in full. No:  when you pray, go into your room, shut the door, and pray to your father who is there in secret. And your father who sees in secret, will repay you (Matthew 6:5-6)

In the case of praying for the gym guys, my request would have come dangerously close to “standing on the street corners” to be noticed. Since there was too much chance for self-aggrandizement in asking for prayers for the gym guys during the pre-service gathering, I realized I was better off praying silently instead of showboating. And I’m glad I did.

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“When you practice your piety, mind you don’t do it with an eye on the audience. Otherwise, you won’t have any reward from your father in heaven” 

Matthew 6:1 – The New Testament for Everyone

• How often do you have to check your motives when doing good deeds? How prone are you to seek the spotlight when doing God’s work?

• What are some steps you can take to counteract this tendency?

Billy Joel Got It Wrong

We have a four-octave electronic keyboard that our grandkids love to bang on. Their favorite feature is the demo song that plays Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are” as it cycles every four bars through several of 99 different “voices”:  flute, Hawaiian guitar, pipe organ, tuba, accordion, bag pipes, gurgle, etc. The kids think it’s a hoot!

Hearing this tune ad nauseum reminded me of the lyrics. Here’s the opening line:   

Don't go changing to try and please me/You never let me down before

One of the verses says.

I said, "I love you," that's forever

And this, I promise from the heart, mmm-hmm-hmm

I couldn't love you any better

I love you just the way you are

The irony is that the piano man wrote this song in 1979 for his first wife Elizabeth Weber, but sadly, they divorced in 1982. Countless pop songs include lyrics pledging never-ending love, but many of the composers and artists who produce these songs experience anything but that. I think it’s because they confuse like and love.

We typically think that you progress from like to love. And that’s often true. But just because you love someone doesn’t mean you like everything about them. Married couples should have an unbreakable commitment to love each other until they are parted by death. However, you can deeply love someone but not always like their behavior. God loves unconditionally those of us who have committed our lives to him and received the forgiveness Jesus offers. But that doesn’t mean he approves of our misbehavior.

Recently, after hearing the electronic version of this song for probably the thousandth time, I told my wife Annette, “I love you just the way you are – most of the time.” Of course, I said in jest, but there’s an element of truth in there.

 Although there are times we have minor skirmishes, beneath it all is an unshakable, loving commitment that neither of us will ever leave. However, anyone who has been deeply involved with someone else for more than a few days recognizes that they have at least a few habits that can be annoying.

It's a wonderful sentiment for Billy to tell his wife that she doesn’t have to change a thing. But the flipside should be that his wife should be willing to make minor changes if some of her attitudes or behaviors are irritating, as should he. I’m not saying someone should deny their basic personality or tremble in fear that they will alienate the other person, but we should humbly acknowledge that we are not perfect. No one is lovable all the time, and I’m deceiving myself if I pretend that there is nothing about me that should change. And I should be willing to do so for my spouse.

Annette and I have been married for 44 years. In all the hundreds of thousands of hours we’ve spent together, I’ve done many things that annoy her. I must be open to considering how I could be more considerate, more thoughtful, and easier to live with. Being willing to make an effort to make the other’s life a bit more pleasant shows respect for both the person and the relationship.

A few weeks ago, Annette and I made a deal. We agreed that we would each identify just two things that we would prefer the other start doing or stop doing.  These were just minor annoyances, and we’re trying to do better in these areas. Of course, I’m not going to tell you what they are!

So, yes, I love Annette just the way she is – most of the time – and she loves me just the way I am – most of the time. Actually, we really do love each other all the time, even when we do things that make us hard to live with. But we’re both trying to shrink the number of times we’re not so likeable.

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“No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.”

1 Corinthians 10:24

• How well do you live out 1 Corinthians 10:24 with those closest to you?

• Do the most important people in your life know that you are committed to them, no matter what? How easy is it for you to verbalize that?