I'm Glad I Didn't Let My 18-Year-Old Self Determine My Future

The September after I graduated high school, I packed up the VW bug and headed to Syracuse University with high hopes and only a vague idea of what I would do for the rest of my life. Because, as a high school senior, I did an independent study project trying to replicate laboratory creation of polystyrene, I slid into a chemistry major without giving it much thought.

Because my freshman year of college saw major campus protests, midway through the spring semester, I began to seriously question the relevance of my chemistry major. In light of larger social issues, I didn’t really think spending the rest of my life studying certain subatomic particles that could only be detected by an electron microscope would be that fulfilling. Who cares?

So I did a hard right turn and became an English Education major. Then a few months later I entered into a life-changing relationship with Jesus. Although I stuck with the English major, instead of becoming a teacher after graduation, I joined the staff of Cru, a Christian outreach organization.

I had three wildly different jobs over my nine-year tenure at Cru: 

• 2 years working with college students in New York and New Jersey

• 5 years directing various internationally traveling bands

• 2 years serving in the international personnel office in the main headquarters

During our last two years on staff, my wife and I carefully evaluated long-term career objectives. I tentatively decided to go to seminary and ultimately become a church pastor. For various reasons, I decided instead on a profession in healthcare executive leadership and spent the rest of my career there.

By my count, including my three different roles within Cru, I made seven vastly dissimilar career decisions. If my choice as an 18-year-old would-be chemistry major was irreversible, my life would have been much different and ultimately, I believe, far less fulfilling. 

Why am I telling you this?

We live in a time when some voices in our society are giving their blessing to 12-year-olds who might have ambivalence about their gender identity to undergo radically life-changing and irreversible surgery and/or hormone therapy to switch genders. I even saw a TV spot about an eight-year-old boy being encouraged by his parents to adopt a gender identity that contradicts his biological reality.

Allowing adolescents to physically transition their sexual identity is horrifying on three levels:

First of all, to my knowledge, there has never been a society in the history of the world that has believed that a man can become a woman or a woman become a man. This goes against every aspect of human history and natural science. Is our generation truly wiser than every other civilization that preceded ours?

Secondly, in a few cases, school officials encourage students to “explore” gender identity alternatives without informing their parents. If a student can’t even go on a field trip without a permission slip from a parent or guardian, how can some outside authority start a child down a path that could ultimately lead them to make permanent, life-altering decisions? 

Finally, with no disrespect to adolescents, how could they possibly make a clear-headed decision about something so fundamental as whether they will spend the rest of their lives as a man or a woman? Middle school teachers will tell you that students who display gender confusion at that age often settle into their true biological gender a year or two later. And of course, every person should be treated with respect as someone created in God’s image.

Because society recognizes the relative immaturity of 12-year-olds, here are some things that, for their own protection and society’s good, they are not permitted to do:

• Vote

• Serve on a jury

• Join the military

• Get married

• Enter a legal contract

• Get a driver’s license

• Buy an R-rated movie ticket

• Drink alcohol

• Buy cigarettes

Yet some in our society encourage their “right” to make a drastic decision to make changes to their bodies that can never be fully reversed.

If I, as an 18-year-old, made an initial career choice I subsequently changed six times, what sense does it make to allow an early adolescent to start down the unalterable path of drastic body change?

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“ . . . (w)hoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away – it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses. For offenses will inevitably come, but woe to that person by whom the offenses come.”

Matthew 18:6-7 (CSB)

"You Are So Inhibited!"

It was a party at a friend’s house during my senior year of college. The hostess, a friend of several years, invited me to try out her new beanbag chair. I had never seen one before, and to me it just looked like a lumpy black vinyl blob on the floor. Since I was unaware that the “proper” way to enjoy a beanbag chair is to plop into it and wiggle your way to a comfortable “nest,” I just awkwardly lowered myself and sat motionless, hoping that approach would minimize my looking foolish.

I was wrong.

That’s when my friend blurted out, “You are so inhibited!” Although she was right, her comment did little to help me feel less self-conscious. In fact, it did just the opposite. Now everyone in the room knew my friend considered me uptight.

I remember reading about a parallel awkward situation where a seasoned Christian named Dave was discipling Jake, who had just come to faith a few weeks before. Apparently, Jake was the sensitive, artistic type and didn’t fit the “macho man” image. Dave suspected that he might have some deep issues, and in an attempt to help his personal growth, he asked, “How long have you had homosexual feelings?”

As well-meaning as it might have been, this question was insensitive, unwise and counterproductive. Since Jake had not mentioned anything about that area of his life, this question must have sent him into a tailspin. I’m sure he wondered, “What signals am I sending that would make someone suspect I’m gay?”

The common thread in both these situations is a lack of someone stepping into the other person’s shoes and recognizing how their words could be hurtful, even if, as in Dave’s case, spoken with the best of intentions. Calling out an insecure person’s inhibitions just makes the person more insecure.

Did my beanbag chair friend think I would react to her observation by saying, “Thanks for pointing that out. I promise to be less inhibited moving forward”? Her words came from her unfiltered exasperation. And since she meant no harm, although her comment did make me feel embarrassed, I knew she meant no harm.

Or did Dave expect Jake to say, “You know, even though I’ve never told anyone, you’re right about me being gay. From now on, I won’t have those feelings anymore”?

Dave’s first mistake was not realizing he hadn’t earned the right to ask such a personal question that early in their relationship. Secondly, he could have misread the situation and assumed something that might not be true. Finally, his question was far too direct. If Jake was indeed struggling with homosexuality, at some down the road – once a trust relationship had been established – Dave could have brought up the topic in the context of him sharing some of his own personal struggles.  

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that asking a low-key question is far better than making a bold statement or asking a question – like Dave’s – that is both presumptuous and possibly based on a faulty notion. Gentle questions can provide additional information that can correct some of your assumptions and also smooth the pathway to important conversations.

Everyone desires solid connections with others. Done the right way, getting involved in someone’s life can be life-changing for them and deeply fulfilling for you. Treating the other person respectfully and considerately is the key.

I urge you to seek ways to appropriately enter other people’s lives, approaching them in ways that are likely to have them listen to you.  It’s worth the effort!

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“A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is” – Proverbs 16:21 (Good News Translation)

• Do you sometimes shy away from pointing out a weakness in someone else because you’re afraid you’ll hurt their feelings? How do you strike a balance between saying too little or too much?  

•  How do you feel when someone points out one of your flaws? How can understanding your own reactions shape how you approach others when you try to give them input?

Follow-Up: I’m Glad I Didn’t Ask for Prayer

My last post ended with a cliffhanger. I reported that, during a recent pre-service worship team huddle, I decided against asking for prayer that three guys from the gym would come to church that day. Too much of my motivation for mentioning that would have been grandstanding before the pastor and the others. If y ou missed that post, you can scroll down to read it.

In the article, I didn’t reveal whether or not the gym guys came, and several of you asked if they did. They did not.

Of course, I was disappointed but not particularly upset. We have developed friendships over the last few months, and I will continue to chat with them at the gym and/or over breakfast, so this was not a “make or break” invitation.

Sometimes we place too much importance on a particular ministry opportunity as if it’s game over if things don’t turn out as we hoped. We forget that God often woos people over time.

In the September/October 2024 issue of Christianity Today magazine, Linda Holifield shares how she came to know Christ. Raised in a black-and-white, fundamentalist Christian background, she drifted away and ultimately renounced her faith, primarily because she never got answers to her honest questions. However, through ongoing involvement with a “non-anxious and faithfully Christian friend” (as she calls her), Linda started on the journey back to faith and eventually established a life-changing relationship with Jesus. She concludes her story like this:

If God can pursue me over decades, patiently meet me in moments of seeming godlessness, and ultimately resurrect my heart . . . , then I can trust him to be alive in the spiritual journeys of others who seem far off from him. . . . My story screams of God’s long-game redemptive work that was out of sight for so long. (Click this link to read her full story: My Deconstruction Turned to Deconversion. But God Wasn’t Anxious. - Christianity Today)

So, no, the fact that my fellow gym rats didn’t show up is not the end of the story. Although it’s an honor to be part of helping someone come to faith (and something we should all be engaged with) the other person’s eternal destiny does not depend on me. As Jesus said, even the rocks cry out the truth (Luke 19:40).

Of course, we are told to join with others in prayer (Matthew 18:19). However, you can misunderstand this admonition and assume your request might only be answered if you reach a “tipping point” concerning three aspects of prayer: 

• Praying frequently enough

• Getting enough others to agree with you in prayer

• Demonstrating your sincerity through enough emotional intensity

You can subconsciously imagine – almost superstitiously – there’s a mathematical “formula” that ups the chance of God answering your prayers. If you don’t get your desired results, you could erroneously conclude it’s because you didn’t rack up enough “total prayer minutes” or weren’t fervent enough. But remember, God responds to your requests based on his wisdom and love, not because you met some vague threshold that shows you’re serious.

So, I will continue to have friendly conversations with the gym guys. Maybe they will come to church one day. Maybe they won’t. But getting them to walk into the building is not the issue. The real endgame is helping them strengthen their relationships with Jesus, and that can happen in any number of ways. If God chooses to use me to do that, that would be great. But he doesn’t need me.

One important concept I learned while on Cru staff is this:  Success in witnessing is sharing Jesus in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results to God. This principle of faithfully carrying out your duties and trusting God with the outcome applies to all ministry ventures. And this allows you to relax in God’s sovereignty and grace.

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Many are the plans in a person’s heart,

but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails

Proverbs 19:21

• How do you react when something you sincerely and earnestly prayed for doesn’t happen?

• What is the balance between defining a desired outcome and being able to trust God with the outcome?

I’m Glad I Didn’t Ask for Prayer

I play in our church’s praise team about every three weeks. Each Sunday right before the first service, church staff, the band and the production team huddle for final instructions and prayer. Typically, the pastor asks if anyone has a particular prayer need.

The last time I played happened to be the Sunday I was hoping three guys from the gym would show up. I had been meeting with them individually for a couple of months, and I used the fact that I was playing as a “sweetener” to coax them to come. When the pastor asked for requests, I considered bringing up these three guys.

However, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to back off. Why would I really be asking for prayer? Was it primarily so these guys would come and learn more about God. or was it more to impress the pastor and everyone else? How often does someone bring a new person to church? And here I was, possibly getting three new guys through the door on the same day! How cool is that? That should certainly earn me the “Spiritual Hero of the Week” award.

Thankfully, I kept my mouth shut and just continued praying by myself.

A primary theme in the Sermon on the Mount is that your attitude matters more than your actions. Even if you are doing good things, if your heart is wrong, you are not pleasing to God. Jesus says that anger comes from the same place in your heart as murder does. The same is true for lust and adultery. So even if you’re not a murderer or an adulterer, you are still sinning if your heart harbors the same underlying evil that could blossom into murder or adultery.

He goes on to warn against making a public show of prayer:

When you pray, you mustn’t be like the play-actors. They love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners, so that people will notice them. I’m telling you the truth:  they have received their reward in full. No:  when you pray, go into your room, shut the door, and pray to your father who is there in secret. And your father who sees in secret, will repay you (Matthew 6:5-6)

In the case of praying for the gym guys, my request would have come dangerously close to “standing on the street corners” to be noticed. Since there was too much chance for self-aggrandizement in asking for prayers for the gym guys during the pre-service gathering, I realized I was better off praying silently instead of showboating. And I’m glad I did.

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“When you practice your piety, mind you don’t do it with an eye on the audience. Otherwise, you won’t have any reward from your father in heaven” 

Matthew 6:1 – The New Testament for Everyone

• How often do you have to check your motives when doing good deeds? How prone are you to seek the spotlight when doing God’s work?

• What are some steps you can take to counteract this tendency?

Billy Joel Got It Wrong

We have a four-octave electronic keyboard that our grandkids love to bang on. Their favorite feature is the demo song that plays Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are” as it cycles every four bars through several of 99 different “voices”:  flute, Hawaiian guitar, pipe organ, tuba, accordion, bag pipes, gurgle, etc. The kids think it’s a hoot!

Hearing this tune ad nauseum reminded me of the lyrics. Here’s the opening line:   

Don't go changing to try and please me/You never let me down before

One of the verses says.

I said, "I love you," that's forever

And this, I promise from the heart, mmm-hmm-hmm

I couldn't love you any better

I love you just the way you are

The irony is that the piano man wrote this song in 1979 for his first wife Elizabeth Weber, but sadly, they divorced in 1982. Countless pop songs include lyrics pledging never-ending love, but many of the composers and artists who produce these songs experience anything but that. I think it’s because they confuse like and love.

We typically think that you progress from like to love. And that’s often true. But just because you love someone doesn’t mean you like everything about them. Married couples should have an unbreakable commitment to love each other until they are parted by death. However, you can deeply love someone but not always like their behavior. God loves unconditionally those of us who have committed our lives to him and received the forgiveness Jesus offers. But that doesn’t mean he approves of our misbehavior.

Recently, after hearing the electronic version of this song for probably the thousandth time, I told my wife Annette, “I love you just the way you are – most of the time.” Of course, I said in jest, but there’s an element of truth in there.

 Although there are times we have minor skirmishes, beneath it all is an unshakable, loving commitment that neither of us will ever leave. However, anyone who has been deeply involved with someone else for more than a few days recognizes that they have at least a few habits that can be annoying.

It's a wonderful sentiment for Billy to tell his wife that she doesn’t have to change a thing. But the flipside should be that his wife should be willing to make minor changes if some of her attitudes or behaviors are irritating, as should he. I’m not saying someone should deny their basic personality or tremble in fear that they will alienate the other person, but we should humbly acknowledge that we are not perfect. No one is lovable all the time, and I’m deceiving myself if I pretend that there is nothing about me that should change. And I should be willing to do so for my spouse.

Annette and I have been married for 44 years. In all the hundreds of thousands of hours we’ve spent together, I’ve done many things that annoy her. I must be open to considering how I could be more considerate, more thoughtful, and easier to live with. Being willing to make an effort to make the other’s life a bit more pleasant shows respect for both the person and the relationship.

A few weeks ago, Annette and I made a deal. We agreed that we would each identify just two things that we would prefer the other start doing or stop doing.  These were just minor annoyances, and we’re trying to do better in these areas. Of course, I’m not going to tell you what they are!

So, yes, I love Annette just the way she is – most of the time – and she loves me just the way I am – most of the time. Actually, we really do love each other all the time, even when we do things that make us hard to live with. But we’re both trying to shrink the number of times we’re not so likeable.

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“No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.”

1 Corinthians 10:24

• How well do you live out 1 Corinthians 10:24 with those closest to you?

• Do the most important people in your life know that you are committed to them, no matter what? How easy is it for you to verbalize that?

I Almost Lost Control of My Car When I Saw This Billboard

A couple of years ago as my wife Annette and I traveled up I-75 about 40 miles north of Atlanta, I spotted a pretty cool (or so I thought) billboard. It quoted Philippians 2:10 – “At the name of Jesus every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth.” I always enjoy seeing this type of public acknowledgement of faith.

But as we whizzed by the billboard, two additional words below the verse popped out:  “Even Democrats.”

I just about drove off the road when I saw this!

There are at least two reasons why this was an inappropriate and even dangerous billboard. First, there have been numerous attempts to wed Christianity and secular government. And that rarely ends well. Yes, in one sense, it was wonderful when Christianity became Rome’s official state religion in AD 380. The persecution and execution of Christians stopped, and many more people were introduced to Jesus. All this was good.

But the co-mingling of religion and government inevitably led to perversion of the faith as people recognized the political advantage of aligning with the officially approved religion. Christianity started down the road of being leveraged by “the establishment,” leading to its growing corruption.

At various times, well-meaning Christians have attempted to coerce virtuous behavior. Don’t get me wrong. Our faith should affect every part of our lives including our participation in the political and policy making processes. Having laws that support biblical and moral values is crucial for a moral society. But it becomes dangerous when those efforts descend into enforced religious practice or mingling of faith and partisan politics. Just one example:  On October 21, 1663, John Harlow, a Virginia colonist, was fined 50 pounds of tobacco for failing to attend church. Bad idea.

Clearly, our current political climate is highly partisan and bitterly divided. But no more so than that of Jesus’ day.

Quick quiz:  With which faction or group did Jesus align himself:

A.    Herodians – A religiously oriented political party tied to the house of Herod

B.     Sadducees – A powerful, aristocratic group that rejected many aspects of the spiritual world, including belief in resurrection, angels and demons

C.     Zealots – Revolutionaries extremely loyal to the Jewish way of life to the point of advocating violence

D.    Pharisees – An influential religious group that attempted to impose scrupulous behavioral standards on the Jewish people to hasten the appearance of the Messiah who they expected would rescue Israel from Rome

E.     None of the above

Of course, the answer is E.  

As the old saying goes, “If it’s good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me.”

As important as it is to be responsible and active citizens, the moment we allow politics – or anything else for that matter – to assume more importance than our single-minded commitment to Christ, we are swimming in dangerous waters. Linking “Jesus is Lord” with an anti-Democratic message (and an implied endorsement of the Republican party) borders on blasphemy. Some Republican Christians may be surprised when they arrive in heaven and discover there are actually some Democrats there. And some Democrats will be surprised to learn they will be sharing eternity with some Republicans,

The second reason this billboard is inappropriate is that it can be a major impediment to sharing the good news of God’s grace. Think about it. If I am a Democrat who self-identifies as an atheist or an agnostic, how likely is it that this billboard will encourage me to explore what it means to acknowledge Jesus as my Lord? If I take this billboard at face value, you are asking me to abandon my political convictions – perhaps deeply held – if I want to follow Jesus. Instead of alienating people, we should seek ways to welcome them.  

Let me repeat that we as Christians ought to be actively involved in the political process. Some politicians demonstrate more godly policies and behavior than others, and they deserve our support, but don’t wrap Jesus around your candidate.

I thank God that he calls some people to pursue political office motivated by their desire to serve others and improve the world. But this becomes problematic when my allegiance to any party or candidate gets conflated with my loyalty to Jesus. So be sure to vote, but keep your political loyalties a clear second to your commitment to Jesus.

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Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 124:8 – ESV 

• How much influence do you think the Christian faith should have on public policy?

• How engaged are you in the political process? Should you be more involved, or are you basing too much of your hope and happiness on the outcome of any particular election?

We Came Within 50 Feet of Disaster

A week ago, we got to live out the truths of two cliches:

• Life can change in an instant

• When all is said and done, what really matters is the safety of your loved ones

On Thursday, September 5, Annette and I drove to the Silver Lake area of Los Angeles to babysit the grandkids for nine days while Andy and Liza went to New York and Maine to celebrate their tenth anniversary.

Sunday afternoon, we started hearing about the Bridge Fire, about 15 air miles south of our town of Wrightwood in the Angeles National Forest. The fire was pretty stable all day Monday and into Tuesday morning.

Mid-afternoon Tuesday, Annette drove back to Wrightwood for her Bible study meeting scheduled for Wednesday morning. Before she got there, she called a couple of times alarmed by the ominous smoke clouds over the mountains.  “The sky looks like tomato soup!” she exclaimed. An hour after she got home, San Bernardino County issued a sudden “Evacuate NOW” order, so she jumped back in the car and made a beeline down the mountain.  

Tuesday morning, the Bridge Fire covered only 4,000 acres, but because of what fire officials called a 1% of 1% set of weather conditions, within a few hours it had exploded to over 40,000 acres. Because we are in a canyon that backs up to one of the ridges, our neighborhood was incredibly vulnerable.

As Tuesday evening wore on, the possibility that our house could be gone by morning grew increasingly real. I began to think through what we would have to replace in the event of a total loss:  all our furniture and appliances, the car we left behind, all our clothing (down to socks and underwear), our hundreds of books, Annette’s kitchen gear, my 50+ harmonicas (each of which costs about $45 and some of which are hard to get), the 150+ music charts I had spent countless hours arranging, even mouthwash and Q-Tips. But then I remembered that we were safe and so were our family and friends.

As Annette and I lay awake in bed at 4:00 a.m., I echoed what many before us have verbalized when they escaped death and injury but lost everything they owned. “At least we’re all safe.” She wholeheartedly agreed and said that, if the worst happened and our town burned down, what she would be saddest about would be the inevitable scattering of our immediate neighbors whom we have come to love. Then I said, “I’m so glad to be going through this whole thing with someone who knows how to respond the right way.”

We came so close to calamity that the back of our next-door neighbor’s fence got charred! Thankfully, by God’s grace and through the incredible work of the hundreds of firefighters, only a handful of structures in Wrightwood burned. You probably heard about our fire on national news.

Since we bought our house four years ago, we’ve suffered two years of serious drought, a severe blizzard, a few very minor earthquakes, a hurricane, close encounters with a bear and a rattlesnake, and now this (our second wildfire evacuation). We’re living a lot “closer to the land” than we did in Metro Atlanta!

A few people have asked, somewhat facetiously, if we regret moving here. Absolutely not! Even if our house had been destroyed, I would say the same.

The punchline of a talk called “Demystifying Decision-Making” which I have given several times is that if you deliberately, responsibly and prayerfully seek God’s will for important decisions, you must interpret everything that results from that decision as part of his plan. And that includes even such tragedies as your house going up in flames. God is all-knowing, all-powerful and all-loving That means none of the unfortunate aftermath of a decision is beyond his control or has caught him by surprise.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you won’t experience frustration, disappointment, or even anger over the circumstance, but ultimately, you have to settle in to the fact that God filters everything through his omnipotent and loving hands.

Next time, I’ll relay some of the great things that have already happened because of this forest fire experienc

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Keep your life free from love of money; be content with what you have. He himself has said, after all, “I will never, ever leave or forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5 (The New Testament for Everyone)

• What is the hardest set of circumstances you have ever faced? To what extent were you able to see God’s hand in the situation?

• How do you think you would react if you lost all your possessions?

A New Twist on an Old Summer Camp Story

Part of the “evening ritual” at the 4-H summer camp I worked at while I was in college was the vesper talk designed to help our campers reflect on their days and perhaps the larger meaning of life. We had a pool of stories that we would regularly recycle. Thank goodness the kids were only there two weeks or else we would have run out of material.

One of my favorite talks involved a somewhat mean kid whose dad wanted to teach him a lesson by giving him a 12” log, a hammer, and a sack of 5” nails. “For this next week,” he instructed, “every time you do or say something that hurts someone, drive a nail it into the log.” 

If you ever endured poison ivy, mosquito bites and bug juice at summer camp, you might have heard this story and know where it’s heading. But don’t bail on me. After I get to the punchline, I’ll present a new angle I hope you will appreciate.

The son thought his dad had lost it. “What’s with the nails in the log? What’s that supposed to do?” But he agreed to comply and by the end of the week, the log resembled a porcupine with nails sticking out everywhere.

“Now,” said the dad, “for this next week, every time you do something kind, I want you to pull one of the nails out.” Realizing how many bad things he had done, the son felt some degree of remorse and tried to make up by going out of his way to do and say kind things. And, voila, by the end of the week all the nails were gone.

Although the dad was pleased by his son’s attempt to compensate, he pointed out that even though the nails were gone, the holes in the log weren’t.

Our little sermonette to the campers stressed that even if they tried to “undo” some of the harm they had done, the damage couldn’t be erased. So just don’t be mean. That’s an important lesson, and many of the kids took it to heart.

But I recently thought of a way to recast this story to reflect an even more significant lesson.

Instead of the log representing my relationship with others, think about it as my own soul. And instead of driving a nail into the log when I hurt someone, think about it as driving a hole in my soul every time I sin.

The overwhelming majority of people – religious or not – would say they try to compensate for their shortcomings by doing good things to balance the scales. It’s the old “If my good deeds outweigh my bad ones, God – if there is one – will accept me.”

As this old camp story teaches, though, even when the nails are removed, the holes can’t be. And in my new version, the nail holes are not damage done to others but damage to my own soul.

The Christian message as taught in the Bible is that I can never fill the holes in my core being caused by my sin. And those sins separate me from God.

It would be depressing if the message stopped there. But it doesn’t. The rest of the story is that Jesus can and will fill those holes if we ask him to. And he is the only one who can. 

As important as it is to realize the negative implications of our bad behavior on others, it’s more important to recognize what it does to my relationship with God. And even more important is finding the only true remedy to my alienation from God caused by my sin. And that is confessing my rebellion against or indifference to God, claiming Jesus’ forgiveness, and committing my life to him.

I hope you can relate to my revised adaptation of this story.

One last thing. The lesson from the original version still rings true. Even though Jesus can and does repair the devastation to the souls of people who recognize their need and turn to him, relational and sometimes even legal consequences remain. So, let’s not forget the implications of our behavior on others.

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• To what extent do you believe that, in God’s eyes, your good deeds can make up for you bad ones?

• Have you ever gotten to the point of recognizing that nothing you can do will make you acceptable to God but that Jesus’ perfect life, death and resurrection can do just that if you turn to him?

. . . [T]he wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal like through Christ Jesus our Lord – Romans 6:23 (New Living Translation)

If You See Something, Say Something

Our little town of Wrightwood is nothing like the rest of Southern California. We have only 5,000 residents, no stop lights, and no fast-food restaurants. But we do have snow. Not exactly downtown LA.

We also have a country club. But forget everything you know about country clubs. Ours consists of a sag pond (created by the two sides of the San Adreas Fault that runs directly under it) with thousands of tadpoles, a few tennis courts, a small fitness center, and a snack bar. The closest thing we have to golf is a disc golf course. But one nice feature we do have is the summer Sunday afternoon concert series with blues, jazz or rock groups playing in the pond’s bandshell.

A few weeks ago, as Annette and I were signing in at the main gate to enjoy the music, the young check-in lady turned to Annette and out of the blue said, “You are really pretty.” Annette was slightly taken aback, but then a big smile came over her face as she thanked her for her kind remark.

Why are we so chintzy with our compliments? That comment cost the check-in girl nothing and brightened Annette’s afternoon.

A phrase that came into fashion shortly after the 9/11 terrorist attacks was, “If you see something, say something.” Of course, it was intended to intercept potentially dangerous acts, but let me offer a slight variation:  “If you see something you like or respect, say something.” Why not? Who doesn’t like positive feedback? Everyone gets slammed or criticized when they mess up, so why not offer a counterbalance?

 I meet with many men one-on-one to listen to them, encourage them, let them know that I care about them, and offer input as appropriate. Lately, I’ve been making a point to mention during our meetings at least one positive thing I see in them. It’s usually easy to find something encouraging and specific to say.

For example, if the guy recounts some serious trials he’s facing, I might say, “Obviously, you’re going through a hard time, but I’m impressed by how you’re leaning into it,” or “I know this is hard for your whole family, and I love how you how you’re trying to minimize the impact on your wife.”

If I forget to offer such a comment, I sometimes drop a quick text later that day to remind him of something that impressed me. Better late than never.

I urge you to be on the lookout for how you can express genuine appreciation to those in your world. Like any other new behavior, it might take a while to make this a default piece of your conversations, but once you do, you will be amazed how easy it is to identify positive attitudes and behaviors.

 Various studies suggest that it takes anywhere from three to ten positive comments to counter one negative one. The negative ones always seem to find us. Why not be part of the positive side of that ratio?

If you see something, say something.

Who in the World Was Stuart MacLennan, and Why Should You Care?

Here’s a hint. He was pastor of Hollywood Presbyterian Church early last century. Does this help you figure out why you should care? No? How about this?

Just over 100 years ago, he was guest speaker at a small church in Minneapolis where he met Henrietta Mears, a single, “bookish,” physically impaired high school principal in her 30s who lived with her sister. His message so inspired her that she immediately started meeting and corresponding with him and eventually moved to Southern California to become Christian Education Director at his church, a position she held for nearly 35 years.

This is an impressive story. However, that still doesn’t explain you should get excited about Stuart MacLennan. Let me help you.

During Henrietta Mears’ decades-long tenure at Hollywood Presbyterian, among the people she mentored were:

• Bill and Vonnette Bright – co-founders of Cru and Athletes in Action and the force behind the Jesus film. This film has been translated into 2,166 languages, and estimates are that there have been more than 7.3 billion viewings of the film.

• Dawson Trotman – founder of The Navigators

• Jim Rayburn – founder of Young Life

• Wilbur Smith – cofounder of Fuller Theological Seminary

• Richard Halverson – a future United States Senate chaplain

• Many other Christian leaders and Hollywood celebrities

She also went on to establish Gospel Light Publications and collaborate with leaders of such internationally significant ministries as World Vision, Samaritan’s Purse, and Wycliffe Bible Translators. Beyond that, she was an early leader of the National Association of Evangelicals.

Oh, and then there was a young preacher named Billy Graham whom she discipled and encouraged to stage his 1949 Los Angeles crusade which launched his international ministry.  He once commented that, besides his mother and his wife, Henrietta Mears was the most influential woman in his life.

During my nine years on Cru staff, I often heard about Henrietta Mears and her phenomenal impact. But I never heard of Rev. MacLennan until I recently read an article about Ms. Mears penned by my friend Paul Batura, Vice President of Communications at Focus on the Family. From a human perspective, none of Henrietta Mears’ influence would have happened without Rev. MacLennan. Of course, God could have used someone else to inspire her or someone else to accomplish all she did. But, for whatever reason, God chose to use Stuart MacLennan and Henrietta Mears.

One more thing. My story intersects with Stuart MacLennan in a way I hadn’t realized. In a real sense, I am part of his legacy. He discipled Henrietta Mears, Henrietta Mears discipled Bill Bright, Bill Bright founded Cru, and I came to know Jesus through Cru decades after Henrietta Mears’ first encounter with Rev. MacLennan.

Stuart MacLennan’s legacy serves as an example to us all. If you are in professional ministry, you are undoubtedly helping many people. We all have a tendency to gravitate toward the leaders and superstars. If there had been a web page featuring people seeking to become influencers who would change the face of American Christianity, Henrietta Mears would have gotten almost no “likes.” Yet look how God used her. And it’s largely because Stuart MacLennan looked past her “demographics” and discipled an unlikely lady with a heart for God. Don’t write off people just because they may not be one of the “cool kids.” Jesus certainly didn’t.

If you are not in professional ministry, God can still use you in huge ways. Although Rev. MacLennan was the major influence on Henrietta Mears, there were undoubtedly many others along the way who encouraged her and fed into her life. You can do the same.

Help a Christian struggling with a personal tragedy. Invest time teaching the 10th grade boys’ Sunday School class. Share with a coworker or neighbor what God has done in your life. Any of these actions could have a profound impact on someone’s world. And perhaps God will bring someone into your life with whom you can develop a deep discipleship relationship and who just might go on to have a global impact. You never know how you might be influencing future generations.

My parting challenge is, regardless of how big or small your “reach” is, always be looking for ways to help someone in Jesus’ name and to further God’s kingdom.

The Demise of a Once-Great Cookie Brand

I’ve been a semi-serious cyclist for over 20 years. The highlight of my “cycling career” was a three-day, 225-mile ride through the Colorado Rockies on a Focus on the Family-sponsored fundraiser. Besides the great fellowship and the spectacular scenery, the daily devotional talks by a Focus staff member were a real highlight,

On our second day, the speaker told of a cookie brand that, despite its great start in the late 1970s, gradually lost its edge. At its launch, this brand featured soft, chewy, flavorful cookies and was enthusiastically received.

But, alas, inflation forced the company to make hard decisions about how to remain viable. Rather than raise their prices, it elected to reduce the quality of their ingredients just a bit. Since they feared this might disappoint loyal customers, they conducted taste tests to see if consumers would bolt. Although the test consumers did notice the small changes, these weren’t enough to cause them to bail.

A few years later inflation brought them to the same decision point:  either raise prices or cut costs. Since slightly reducing ingredient quality worked the first time, the company decided to follow the same path. As before, taste testers accepted the change.

Over time, the company kept repeating this strategy, and unfortunately after several rounds of downgrades, the cookies no longer resembled the original, excellent product.

The application of this story is fairly obvious. As Christians, we are called to be as much like Jesus as possible. Although we can never fully attain his perfection, that is the standard to which we are called. When we take our cues from a society that continues its skid from godliness, our morals follow the same trajectory. But we convince ourselves that as long as we’re at least somewhat better than the larger culture, we’re OK.

Moviegoers in 1939 were shocked by Rhett Butler’s declaration to Scarlett O’Hara in Gone with the Wind that he didn’t “give a damn.” Imagine if that audience could be transported to a 2024 movie theater and learn that virtually every movie with a rating higher than PG-13 is filled “F bombs.” The almost-unthinkable from 85 years ago (“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”) would go completely unnoticed today. So, if our standard is only to be slightly better than the culture, as the reference point slides, so do our morals.

The Focus presenter was kind enough to not call out the product by name. But after his talk, I told him privately I thought I knew which cookie he was describing. A friend had introduced me to a great-tasting cookie in the late 1970s, but I had recently bought a package only to discover that the current version was hard and flavorless. “Was that the brand?” I asked. I was right.

As the culture continues to slip away from any serious concept of righteousness, do you feel you’re doing OK since you’re not as bad as what you see around you? But I ask you, are you content with congratulating yourself that you’re just a half step above current societal norms? Or are you, with the help of the Holy Spirit, consistently trying to follow Jesus’ standards?

Are You Listening to the “Wrong” Bible Verses?

I have a theory. I believe that many people gravitate toward Bible verses that are “wrong” for them. Before you label me a heretic, let me be crystal clear. Since the Bible is 100% inspired, inerrant and infallible, in reality there are truly no “wrong” verses. God intentionally placed each one there, and we are to take all of them seriously. All Scripture is God-breathed ( 2 Timothy 3:16-17).

What I mean by reading the wrong verses is that some people gravitate – sometimes in unhelpful ways – toward the sections that reinforce their predisposition while minimizing verses that would round out their conclusions. Let me explain.

The Sermon on the Mount includes these startling statements from Jesus:

• “Unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven” – Matthew 5:20

• “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” – Matthew 5:48

And then, just a few chapters later, he offers these incredibly comforting words which seem to be in tension with his former comments:

• “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” – Matthew 11:28-30.

These statements almost seem contradictory, but they are all simultaneously true. Jesus wants us to live lives that reflect our changed nature once we’ve received his forgiveness of our sins. But he also offers the power to do so through the Holy Spirit, so we don’t have to “grunt it out.”

As I said, my theory is that many people naturally resonate with the verses that align with their temperamental bent while overlooking the “opposite” ones.

For example, I know some very conscientious people who sincerely want to please God in everything they do. But since they are only human and sometimes fail, they constantly beat themselves up. They point to the first two verses from the Sermon on the Mount and say, “See. Jesus’ standard is nothing short of perfection, and I certainly am not perfect. He must constantly be disappointed in me.” These folks need to balance their conscientiousness against Jesus’ invitation to enjoy his rest.

On the other hand, some people lack vigor and prefer to relax in their spiritual hammocks, clutching their “get out of hell free” card and “counting on” Jesus’ easy yoke and light burden. These people should reevaluate the extent to which their behavior truly matches God’s prescribed lifestyle.

Let me recommend two excellent books that focus on each end of the tension created by these verses. Kevin DeYoung states in Impossible Christianity, “One of the reasons Christianity can feel impossible is that is that we’ve concocted a Christianity unsuitable for finite creatures. . . . (W)e are not infinite beings. We have limits – lots of limits, God-given limits . . . We simply cannot do everything.”  My overly conscientious friends would greatly benefit from DeYoung’s encouragement that God knows their heart’s desire to please him and that he understands their failures.

A book at the opposite end of this discussion is Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s classic The Cost of Discipleship in which he rails against what he calls “cheap grace.” “Cheap grace,” says Bonhoeffer, “is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, communion without confession, absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ.” Lackadaisical Christians would do well to weigh their lives in light of this truth.

Both books are must-reads, but I encourage you to start with the one that is the opposite of your natural “bent.” Overly serious Christians should start with Impossible Christianity, while the spiritually flabby should crack open The Cost of Discipleship. Both books have the potential to revolutionize your relationship with God.

This Sermon Gets an "F"

I once heard noted theologian R. C. Sproul describe a sermon he heard as a high schooler that covered Jesus’ feeding of the 5,000. The sermon’s punchline was that there was not really any miracle at all because Jesus manipulated circumstances to make the event appear supernatural.

This is how he allegedly did it. There was a large cave behind the site of Jesus’ planned sermon, and the day before the big event, Jesus and his disciples secretly stashed food in the cave so they could bring it out to simulate a miracle. The key to this trick was Jesus’ robe with its long flowing sleeves. At just the right moment, Jesus stood in front of the cave-turned-pantry while the disciples secretly slipped food up the back of his robe and out through his sleeves. Voila! A miracle!

In my book That’s a Great Question:  What to Say When Your Faith Is Challenged, I describe five mental filters used by people who don’t really believe the Bible to make it say what they wish it said. One of the filters that subtracts from the Bible is the Filter of Antisupernaturalism, which states that since miracles can’t happen, there must be a naturalistic explanation.

This sermon’s preposterous theory clearly falls into this category and suffers from three fatal flaws:

1. Besides gutting the story of any miraculous content, it also ignores an important detail recorded in Mark 6:41:  Jesus gave just the five loaves and two fish – and not all the food for the thousands – to the disciples. So apparently the miracle took place as the disciples distributed the food to the crowd. The “all the food slipped up through Jesus’ robe” theory contradicts the text and feeds into the next flaw.

2. Pulling this off would require absurdly laughable logistics. How long would it have taken for all the food to come up through Jesus’ robe? Remember, there were 5,000 men and an untold number of women and children – probably 10,000+ in total. Imagine catering a fish and bun luncheon for over 10,000 people! How many hours would it take for literally thousands of food items to pass through Jesus’ sleeves?  As stated above, what really happened is that the disciples fanned out to feed the thousands, multiplying the “distribution channels” and greatly reducing the time required.

   Also, how could the disciples have bought and paid for all that food and carted it up to the cave – undoubtedly requiring many trips – undetected?  Getting such huge quantities at one time would certainly have been noticed, allowing onlookers to blow the whistle on the alleged but false miracle.

3. The most serious flaw, though, is that, if that pastor is right, Jesus is a despicable deceiver. One of the most famous theological propositions of the 20th Century is C. S. Lewis’ “trilemma” in which he states that since Jesus clearly claimed to be God, you have only three choices: 

• He was God – in which case you’d better acknowledge him in your life

• He wasn’t God but didn’t know it – in which case he was insane

• He wasn’t God and he knew it – in which case he was a liar and a fraud

Since this ridiculous theory was proposed by a mainline Protestant minister, he presumably bears some allegiance to Jesus or else he would have chosen a different career path. I can’t know for sure what he thought of Jesus, but my guess is that he would have considered him a great inspirational teacher and someone to emulate. Unfortunately, according to Lewis, that option is not open. Why should you trust someone that blatantly deceptive? We’re forced to select one of the three possibilities Lewis offers.

Think about it. Instead of being able to embrace Jesus in all his deity, this minister would rather deny the miraculous and relegate Jesus to the company of tricksters and conmen. Is that a Jesus you want to worship?

So, I give this sermon an “A” in creativity, a “C+” in fidelity to the biblical text, and an “F” in theology.

My message to you is, don’t blindly accept every “take” on Jesus you hear, even if it comes from an allegedly respectable source.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THE OPPOSITE OF GOD BLESSING A VENTURE?

Among my other responsibilities as Executive Vice President at Georgia Hospital Association (GHA), I served as the “front door” for vendors seeking the association’s endorsement. I met with hundreds of companies over my 19 years there. Some of them got it right, and others were flaming disasters. Additionally, I had the chance to lead GHA teams in developing our own products to sell to hospitals nationwide. So I thoroughly get what it takes to successfully launch a healthcare product.

When I founded my consulting company post-GHA, I infused it with my deep understanding of what it takes to successfully sell to healthcare instituti0ons. These insights also made it into my book, Thriving in the Healthcare Market:  Strategies from an Industry Insider for Selling Your Product. The book features 84 pitfalls I’ve seen trip up vendors and also offers nearly 200 tips on how to avoid them.

Almost miraculously, the publisher – an affiliate of the 80,000-member international Healthcare Information Management Systems Society (HIMSS) – approved my proposal two days after I submitted it. This never happens! I was also delighted when the book got glowing endorsements and the highest possible rating from an outside organization that reviews business-related books.  

Once my book hit the market, I pulled out all the stops to get it before the right audiences:  joining 31 LinkedIn healthcare technology groups, regularly posting brief articles and crisp videos highlighting the top 10 pitfalls and other significant topics, approaching many health tech incubators and accelerators, doing podcast interviews, and speaking at various meetings and conferences.

Not all my promotional efforts panned out, however. In fact, several of them totally bombed:

• A division of Emory University considered developing a video curriculum based on my book but ultimately dropped the idea because of budget constraints.

• An affiliated arm of HIMSS failed to promote the book to HIMSS’ 80,000 members.

• Every year HIMSS has a huge convention and expo with up to 40,000 participants and hundreds of vendors on the exhibition floor. These vendors are the book’s perfect target. The publisher invited me to the HIMSS 2020 trade show as their guest but, alas, the Covid pandemic shut the whole thing down.

• For HIMSS 2021, I spent many hours developing a joint talk with HIMSS’ immediate past chairman, a highly sought-after international speaker. Unbelievably, the education committee rejected this proposal, even though it came from HIMSS’ top leader.

• The HIMSS chair and I tried again for HIMSS 2022. Same result!

• I contacted six senior leaders and professors at a for-profit educational company whose sole focus is preparing sales executives to succeed in selling to healthcare organizations. They couldn’t have found a more perfect resource than my book! Despite two emails and a phone call to each of them, not one of them ever acknowledged my emails or voice messages.

• I co-chaired two regional multi-day health tech conferences for an organization that also has a magazine devoted to promoting emerging technology. Since I knew the president, I approached him about seeing how my book might help his readership. After his initial expression of interest, he ghosted me.

Had any one of these initiatives succeeded, the book’s reach would have greatly expanded.

What do I make of all this? If I were cynical, I would accuse God of “teasing” me with so many false starts. Interestingly, I usually find it easiest to trust God when multiple things go wrong. One or two disappointments are frustrating, but so many fizzles can’t be “just coincidence.” (Of course since God absolutely controls everything, nothing is truly coincidental.)

Over the years, I’ve learned accusing God is a bad idea. First of all, he’s God and I’m not. Similar to what God asks Job after Job complains for several chapters, where was I when God created everything and set the world in motion?

Secondly, God doesn’t owe me anything. What I really deserve is condemnation and hell because of my sin. By his grace, God touched my heart years ago and forgave my sins, bringing me into a relationship with Jesus. Anything beyond this is pure blessing.

Furthermore, I’ve stopped “demanding” that God explain his reasons when things go south. Sometimes I can look over my shoulder and see some good that eventually emerges from problems or disasters. Sometimes I can’t. And that’s OK. Like I said, God doesn’t owe me anything. 

So what do you call the opposite of God blessing a venture? I call it part of God’s loving will for me, even if I don’t fully understand it. I hope you can embrace this attitude too.

Don't Do This to the Bible

In the 1980s I worked at a religiously sponsored hospital, and in 1988 they issued a wall calendar featuring a beautiful photo, a Bible verse, and an inspirational thought for each month of the year. Here’s the January entry:

I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but through me - John 14:6

Great verse! It comes from the lips of Jesus himself, and he claims the only way to truly know God is through him.

But look at the calendar’s reflection on that verse:

Am I the Way for others – or do they see me as a barrier?

Is my Truth evident in what I say – as opposed to what I do?

Does Life fill my days and nights – or is mere existence all I know?

Although these are important questions, the only thing they have in common with John 14:6 is the repetition of the words, “way,” “truth” and “life.” Jesus is pointing to himself in this verse, but the calendar turns that around to make the reader the focus.

This application violates the most fundamental principle of biblical interpretation:  understand what a verse means in its context before you decide how it applies to you.

Here’s John 14:6’s context. Jesus has just told the disciples he was going to the Father to prepare a place for them and that he would come back to take them with him. He then says, “You know the way to the place where I am going.” This prompts Thomas, one of the disciples, to ask, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

This is when Jesus declares himself to be the Way, the Truth and the Life and that no one came come to God apart from him.

Do the calendar’s three questions bear any relationship whatsoever to Jesus’ statement? When Thomas heard Jesus’ words, I suspect he was no more likely to wonder if he (Thomas) was a barrier to others (as mentioned in the calendar’s reflection) than he was to wonder what the weather was like in Rome that day.

The calendar’s questions are good ones, and we should consider whether or not we are following their advice. The problem is that the questions have no more connection to what Jesus said in John 14:6 than they do with advising me whether or not I should eat organic food.

It’s been said that you can use the Bible to prove any point. That’s true. In fact, I can show you that the Bible declares that God doesn’t even exist. Psalm 14:1 says – and this is a direct quote – “There is no God.”

Does that trouble you? Well, let me put you at ease. That’s only part of the verse. This is what the entire first part of Psalm 14:1 says: “The fool has said in his heart, ‘There is no God.’”

That’s quite different.

But my manipulation of that verse demonstrates how it’s possible to find a string of words that states something I already believe and then act as if God endorses my position. This amounts to treating the Bible like a book of magic. If I can find just the right combination of words, it has to be true. Never mind that that’s not what the passage really teaches.

Instead, we must fully understand what a particular passage means in both its immediate context and the Bible’s larger, overall framework before rushing to questionable interpretations or applications. Occasionally, I have gently challenged a well-meaning Christian’s interpretation or application of a particular passage I think they are misinterpreting only to have them question whether or not I really believe the Bible. Of course I do. But it has to be read responsibly.

Let me point you to a very helpful book about how to get the most out of reading, interpreting and applying the Bible:  How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart. It’s both comprehensive and accessible to any reader.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Read-Bible-All-Worth/dp/0310517826/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2TAG7UYYL90KB&keywords=how+to+read+the+bible+for+all+its+worth&qid=1708108859&sprefix=how+to+read+the+bible+for+%2Caps%2C147&sr=8-1

Reading and applying the Bible responsibly takes some work, but doing so is enormously rewarding as it will help you more completely understand how to live in the fullness of God’s love for you.

The Role a Chicken Played in Teaching Me About Generosity

One of the highlights of my five years in Cru’s music ministry was our overseas tours. To maximize our outreach, our band often did two concerts a day. One day in Kenya included a late-morning high school program followed by an afternoon break and an evening church concert. One of the Ethiopian-born Cru staff couples was aware of our open afternoon and kindly invited us to have lunch at their modest house.

When we arrived, we quickly assessed the situation. There were nine of us in the band, one American Cru staff person, and the two Ethiopian staff members for a total of 12 people. The buffet meal they had prepared consisted of a large bowl of rice, some vegetables, a dressed salad, and a single chicken cut up into small pieces. We quickly recognized that one chicken wouldn’t go very far feeding twelve people, so went very light on the meat.

As I was going through the line, I thought through the rest of the day’s schedule and figured there was just enough time between the time we returned from lunch and when we would have to leave for the evening concert setup for me to slip over to the KFC restaurant next to our hotel and get a “real” meal.

On the way back to the hotel, the American staff member surprised us by saying, “You probably don’t realize what this staff couple did for you. The standard of living for African staff members is so modest that they typically can only afford to have meat once a week. And they shared their weekly meat meal with you.”

I felt terrible. Rather than appreciate the thoughtful meal laid out in front of us, I had been preoccupied by figuring out how I could really fill my belly.

In my defense, I was brought up with a “scarcity mentality,” so I am not naturally predisposed to generosity. Growing up, I heard many stories from my elderly relatives about how difficult it was living through the Great Depression and how they had to constantly scrimp just to stay afloat. Added to this was my own experience being raised by a single mom. We never missed a meal, but things were so tight that we rarely could afford cookies, ice cream or any other “splurge” foods. Our big “treat” beyond our basic meals was one orange a day each.

But this background is no excuse. Recently, I’ve tried to make an effort to step up my generosity game, especially with people who are less fortunate than I am. That extra $5 I add to the restaurant tip certainly means more to the hard-working server than it does to me. God has blessed me in so many ways that I should be willing to be a conduit of blessing to others.

As you think about your own generosity, let me remind you that it can involve more than just your money. I fully realize how packed everyone’s schedule is, and I don’t say this to add any guilt. But you should look for ways to be generous with your time as much as is reasonable, jumping in to minister to the people God places in your path. Beyond paying for the care of poor man left bleeding on the side of the road, the Good Samaritan interrupted his schedule to get personally involved. The religious elite who passed by the victim weren’t willing to provide any assistance at all (Luke 10:25-37).

One word of caution. Generosity must be balanced by responsibility. I have occasionally heard of people who impulsively give away so much that they neglect their financial obligations.

Of course, my lesson on generosity didn’t really come from the chicken. It came from the staff couple. But the chicken was what prompted the lesson. Writing this article is a good reminder to me that I can do more to pass along the generosity God has shown me.

An Incredibly Helpful Book

Instead of sharing my own thoughts, I’m using this week’s post to bring a potentially life-changing book to your attention. I am on the board of a wonderful organization 70x7 (www.70x7.org) founded by my friend Mark Goodman. His upbringing is among the most dysfunctional I have ever seen, and he’s written his story in his just-released book Forgiving a Good Man (https://www.amazon.com/Forgiving-Good-Man-survivors-forgiveness/dp/1662883129). Mark has recounted his background on numerous podcasts, and his book is getting great buzz! He is also making good progress toward turning his story into a feature-length movie.

By Mark’s own admission, the only explanation for his current healthy mental state is God’s grace. He is a forgiveness coach, speaker, and author, and his mission in forgiveness is unique because it combines clinical psychology, theology, and real-life experiences. Here is a link a six-minute video explaining his personal forgiveness journey:  70x7.org/about.

And here is a synopsis of his story.

My personal story took me from an abusive home life in Detroit with a father who was emotionally, physically and sexually abusive to his own boys to being homeless on the streets of LA as a teenager. But it was better and safer in the streets of LA than the home I grew up in. My three brothers did not fare as well. One died angry, one checked out mentally and lives in imaginary walls of his own making with imaginary friends to keep him safe, and one brother took his own life while on the phone with me. And yet…here I am…one of the happiest people you will ever meet with a beautiful wife, a beautiful life, six beautiful girls and 13 grandchildren. How does that make sense? Shouldn’t I be angry? On drugs? Full of resentment? The answers: Everything is forgivable. The Lord tells us (1 Peter 3:9) that there is a blessing for not repaying evil with evil — I am living that blessing! I had a choice and the right to carry around that resentment my entire life…but I chose freedom….freedom found in forgiveness.

And my dad…the same man who should have gone to jail for the rest of his life for the things he did…at age 65, sobered up and turned his life to God. The last 23 years of his life, he was the nicest, most generous person you would ever meet. We reconciled and had a great time together. The message: You are never too old, never done too much bad to find God’s grace, redemption, and forgiveness…and for us…reconciliation.

If you know anyone – including yourself – who lives under a burden of bitterness because of horrible things others have done to them, I urge you to recommend Forgiving a Good Man to them. Or better yet, give them a copy. And be praying that in the near future, millions will be able to see Mark’s story on the big screen.

What My Eye Surgery Taught Me About the Christian Life

I’ve been blessed with excellent health my whole life. I never get sick. In fact, at my high school graduation, I was awarded a $25 savings bond for never having missed a day of school from third grade on. That’s about $2.50 per year.

The one exception to my crazy-good health is my eyesight. I started wearing glasses at seven and experienced continued nearsightedness until my glasses entered the Coke bottle range – minus 13.00 diopters – until it was greatly improved through surgery.

About ten years ago, I started experiencing double vision, a condition that was controlled by adding prisms to my glasses. However, in the last year, it got progressively worse to the point where my ophthalmologist recommended strabismus surgery where she would reach behind my eyeballs to adjust the muscles.

After waking up following the surgery in July, I noticed an immediate improvement, but the double vision had morphed a bit. I was still seeing double, but in a different way.

What happens is that, although the underlying muscle problems had been addressed, my brain needed time to “reprogram” itself to the new reality. Over the years, my brain had adapted to compensate for the muscle deficiency, and it needed time to relearn how to see. My surgeon told me this is normal and that the transition would take several weeks. And she was right. Over the next month or so, the symptoms gradually diminished, and things are back to normal now.

As I thought about this physical progression, I realized it’s also highly parallel to our spiritual growth. My double vision problem was immediately resolved by the surgery. But it took weeks for my brain to catch up with this new reality.

Isn’t that exactly what we experience as Christians? The moment you recognize your need to have your sins forgiven based on Jesus’ death and commit your life to follow him, your biggest life problem – separation from God – is solved. If you were to die at that moment, you would be immediately ushered into Jesus’ presence in heaven. However, if you remain on earth – which you clearly have done – you are still human with all the problems and limitations created by living in a messed-up world and by your past experiences, sin and mistakes.

Just as it took weeks for my brain to catch up with the new visual reality, it takes time to allow the Holy Spirit to transform me to become more like Jesus. In fact, the process will continue for the rest of my life.

Here are two implications of this dynamic:

1. Give yourself grace for your mess-ups. You’re never going to completely “arrive.” The main thing is that you are submitting yourself to God’s leadership in your life and seeing him gradually change you.

2. Extend the same grace to others. I know of some Christian leaders who demand immediate changes in a new believer’s life. Addictions and deeply ingrained patterns of sin take time to get uprooted. Of course, we should lovingly and graciously encourage changes based on God’s standards, but it’s important to give the other person time to mature into a more Christ-like life. You can’t demand someone go from 0 to perfect in a few days.

I’ve been writing about grace a lot lately, and this transformation process is just another example of how we need it for ourselves and others.

"My Chains Are Gone" - What Does This Look Like?

One of my very favorite Christian songs in Chris Tomlin’s version of “Amazing Grace.” To the original verses, Tomlin added an interlude with these lyrics:

My chains are gone, I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love
Amazing grace

The image of broken chains is one of the most common descriptions of the Christian life. But what does this really mean? What does it look like? Can I expect to immediately be freed from my addictions and other major problems?

I want to be very careful here. I fully believe that God can instantly transform someone and save them from a life of alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual addiction, and the like. This does happen. But not usually. More often, God starts someone on a lengthy road that leads to significant changes over time – often many years.

The following picture captures how the transformation process often unfolds. Imagine you are in a locked jail cell, unable to get out on your own. Jesus comes along with the key, unlocks the door, and invites you to leave. The moment the tumblers in the lock click, you have an option you didn’t have before. But you are still in the cell, and you will remain there until and unless you get off the cot, swing the door open, and walk out.

On rare occasions, Jesus will pull the cell door open himself, walk in and carry someone out. But in my experience, this is very much the exception. Instead, he expects us to do our part.

This dynamic reminds me of something I wrote in another blog post from 2021. In a dramatic scene from C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe one of the children (Peter) had to attack a ferocious wolf that was about to devour his sister Susan.

Peter did not feel very brave; indeed, he felt he was going to be sick. But that made no difference to what he had to do. He rushed straight up to the monster and aimed a slash of his sword at its side.

A nightmarish battle ensues.  But finally, Peter

found that the monster lay dead and he had drawn his sword out of it and was straightening his back and rubbing the sweat off his face and out of his eyes.

Mind you, Aslan, who represents Christ, was right there watching the whole thing. He could have instantly vaporized the wolf, but instead he wanted Peter to experience the growth and exhilaration that comes from facing and attacking a terrifying situation.

So the way I see it, when you enter into a relationship with Jesus, he really does break your chains – or to put it in other terms, unlocks the door on your cell. You’re no longer forced to wallow in whatever it is that traps you. But he wants you to step up and rely on him to help you grew to new heights you could only have imagined. Having the cell door unlocked is just the beginning of a life-long process that allows you to draw on the power of the Holy Spirit to develop your spiritual muscles and become increasingly transformed into the image of Jesus (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Part 2 – Some Christians Miss 2/3 of the Definition of This Word

Last time, I discussed how Christians sometimes correctly understand part of how to apply the definition of “grace” but miss a second aspect. Here’s what they get right:

Meaning 1 – Grace is the basis through which your sins are forgiven and you can begin a relationship with God.

Here’s the part that sometimes gets overlooked.

Meaning 2 – Grace is the basis of your continued relationship with God after you have come to know Jesus. If you try to slavishly follow rules – some of which are not in the Bible – you are either trying to appease or placate God or trying to impress him with your good behavior. This is not living by grace.

But there is a third meaning that is also often lost.

Meaning 3 – Grace describes how you should always treat all people, even those with whom you strongly disagree.

Jesus said that loving our neighbor is right up there with loving God. Here is just a small sample of the many Bible verses that urge acting with grace toward grace others:

• Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone (Colossians 4:6).

• Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse (Romans 12:14).

• Do not repay anyone evil for evil (Romans12:17).

• “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9).

• “You have heard that it was said, ‘love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. . .” (Matthew 5:43-44).

Living this out gets tricky. Not every one of your neighbors will agree with you. Some may even hate you. Acting graciously is especially challenging if someone’s positions obviously violate God’s standards.

Some Christians feel compelled to passionately– and sometimes angrily – call out people who promote obvious sin. They fear that if they don’t, they are implicitly condoning sin. We should take strong stands on various cultural issues by clearly, firmly, and rationally presenting biblical perspectives. But we should do so with grace, without spiraling into name-calling or hateful words.

The most divisive, polarized decade in our country’s entire history was the 1860s. The bloody Civil War, in which an estimated 620,000 Americans lost their lives, was followed by the equally contentious Reconstruction era where both sides had to grapple with mending the unprecedented divide.  

President Abraham Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address, delivered a month before the Civil War ended, is widely considered one of the greatest American speeches of all time. In Christian History and Biography magazine, Robert C. White, Jr. comments:

Lincoln’s address provides a model for how Christians can speak of faith and politics together. First, he began by expressing respect for the positions of each side, even those whom his audience would deem the enemy. Second, he grounded his thinking in the Bible, using the Bible not simply as an illustration but as a foundation for his political arguments. Third, he affirmed that God acts in history. . . . Fourth, Lincoln was comfortable with ambiguity. . . . Finally, he spoke not in arrogance but in winsome humility. In the final paragraph of the Second Inaugural, Lincoln offered the ultimate surprise. Instead of rallying his supporters in the name of God to support the war, he asked his listeners, quietly, to imitate the ways of God.

These godly principles ooze grace and are truly brilliant. I can think of no better prescription in today’s world for graciously interacting with those with whom we disagree. John 1:17 states that grace and truth came through Jesus. Both grace and truth are crucial. Grace without truth degenerates into sentimentalism and an “anything goes” mentality. Truth without grace results in harsh judgmentalism.

Many Christians would go to the mat to defend definition 1 of “grace” – the basis of their salvation – but they often ignore or downplay the other two facets. Is this true of you?

May we all fully embrace all three aspects of the word “grace.”