How Should You Respond to Past Mistakes and “Non-Moral” Lapses?

Mistakes, regrets, things we’d do differently if we could. We all have them. I’m not talking about major transgressions like broking the law, intentionally hurting someone, or consciously sinning. Instead, I’m referring to things we did out of ignorance, immaturity, or poor judgment. Everyone agrees that we should always keep growing. That implies that you know more about life now than you did ten years ago and that you will probably know more ten years from now than you do today.

From time to time, a particular situation triggers memories of past actions I now regret. Like my habit in middle school of loudly commenting on my “superior” grades every time the teacher returned our tests. Or the time I embarrassed my brother in front of his classmates by publicly offering to sit next to the unpopular girl he refused to talk to. Or the time I failed to bring a Christmas gift for the family that invited me to spend the holiday with them. Or the time I inadvertently insulted my hostess by commenting that the gravy helped make her roast less dry.

None of these were mortal sins, but they do reflect my self-absorption or level of relative immaturity at the time.

Some individuals can blow these memories off. But I’ve talked to enough people to know that many folks are wired like I am and are momentarily immobilized in a cloud of shame and mild self-condemnation by this type of recollection.

Here are some thoughts about how to deal with these fleeting negative episodes.

First and foremost, remember where many of them come from. The Bible teaches that, among his many other evil activities, Satan loves to accuse Christians (Rev. 12:10). Whenever I experience these moments of regret, I have learned to remind myself that because I am a Christian, God has completely forgiven me and no longer condemns me (Romans 8:1). That doesn’t mean that these actions were OK or that there might not be unpleasant consequences. But it helps to conclude that of God doesn’t condemn me, neither should I.

Next, realize that the fact you now recognize your prior action was a mistake means that the “current you” has learned and grown. You’re not the “you” you were when you made the blunder. So, live in the present and move on now that you know better.

And finally think about how you would react if you saw someone you liked inadvertently committing whatever transgression you’re kicking yourself for. Whenever I observe a friend’s momentary lapse, I assume they are not intentionally committing a foul. Instead, I know they’re most likely acting out of ignorance or inexperience, and it’s easy to grant them grace. Take this attitude and apply it to yourself. If you wouldn’t “condemn” your friend for their poor judgment, neither should you condemn yourself.

Like I said, not everyone has the tendency toward self-criticism, but if you do, following these suggestions can be truly liberating. I sincerely hope they help free you from any paralyzing thoughts about yourself you may sometimes have.